


Need to Know

by DaeMEon



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/F, Femslash, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Mass Effect Kink Meme, fixit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-09 19:59:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3262514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaeMEon/pseuds/DaeMEon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Shepard surrenders to the Alliance and remains in custody on Earth, Ashley Williams is still looking for answers. She gets them from an unlikely source and along the way, gets both of their lives just a bit more complicated.</p><p>Written for a prompt on the kinkmeme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Miranda Lawson was in trouble. Again. This time she actually knew she was careless, but she was getting tired of running and the short bursts of ten-minute talks she could have with Oriana was simply not enough. Even though the red light started to blink on her secondary console, she ignored it and let her sister finish her story.

Miranda snuck into an empty office on the Embassies district on the Citadel, where she could piggyback her signal on the encrypted diplomatic channels and talk to Oriana on Illium. As long as she was not listening in on communications, she was safe from detection. However, she knew that Cerberus assassins were after her, and they could trace her back if they eavesdropped on Oriana.

Miranda set up an elaborate workstation, attaching a datapad and an untraceable second omnitool that monitored the call and all the searches and responses. A third display tapped into the security feeds so she could see everything around the office complex while they talked. Right now, warnings were blinking, informing Miranda that she has been traced, estimating response time at seven minutes. Still, she ignored the signals and the pop-up countdown, and let Oriana finish her story.

“That sounds great, Ori,” Miranda nodded, trying to hide the tension from her voice. It has been a few months now since she was on the run, chased by Cerberus, an Alliance APB out on her, and she was getting tired. She just didn’t care about the consequences any more. For once, she needed to have a proper conversation with her sister. But if she wanted to have a chance of ever speaking to her again, she had to wrap up now. “Listen, uh, I might not be able to call you for a while.”

Oriana nodded solemnly. She knew that Miranda was on the run, but not the details and the severity.  
“Is it that bad?”  
“Nothing that I can’t handle. But I’m going to run out of resources if I’m not careful.”  
“I understand. How are you holding up?”

“I’m fine,” Miranda shrugged. “I admit, it gets lonely, but I’m still a step ahead of them. And I need to keep it that way. So don’t worry, if you don’t hear from me. I will keep in touch.”  
“I see.” There was no trace left of her earlier enthusiasm, when she talked about school and projects and her plans for life. “Take care of yourself.”

Miranda glanced to the monitors that showed movement on empty corridors, some of the feeds going dark. She really needed to hurry.  
“I will.”  
“I love you, sis.”  
Miranda nodded back with a faint smile and cut the feed before she would get too emotional. She lost a few more seconds, staring at the darkening screens before moving to action, reattaching her omnitool, frying the datapad and the secondary terminal with a tiny pulse that would wipe all info from the memory crystals.

She had just enough time to register the two assassins closing in on her location before the video feeds died. She looked around the dim embassy office, eyeing the balcony as potentially the best escape route she had. Probably the assassins knew this, too, so she couldn’t go for it right away.  
Miranda left the screen on, set the chair up like somebody was sitting in it and slipped to the wall, crouching down near the door, waiting.  
She didn’t have to wait long.

There was a quiet chirping and the door started moving silently, pulled away manually by one of the attackers, just wide enough to slip in. Miranda leaped as soon as the shadow stepped inside, grabbing a wrist and pressing it into the assassin’s chest as Miranda went for the tackle, while the dark figure had only one leg inside.

There was a quiet grunt as the assassin lost her balance, Miranda landing on top of her, the gun trapped between their bodies, the phantom’s one leg caught in the door. Miranda lifted a glowing blue fist and slammed it down on her head, cracking helmet, knocking the killer unconscious with barely a sound.

Miranda was already up, trying to close the door before the other one could slip through, but the armored leg of the downed assassin stopped it from closing. Another knee appeared to stop the closing, and Miranda had to jump away from the gap as a thin, long blade stabbed forward.  
Miranda spun away, grabbing her gun and backpedalled towards the balcony, while firing a couple of shots at the door until she could dive behind the couch. She knew all of her bullets hit, but against Cerberus armor it wasn’t too effective, just enough to slow the assassin down.

Miranda listened to the noises, keeping an eye on the escape route, the wide balcony, with the walls of glass and sliding door between her and freedom. The phantom probably switched to a gun from that ridiculous sword they were carrying, now that Miranda’s gunfire broke the silence of the sleeping Embassy District. They had no more than ten minutes before C-Sec would arrive.  
It was a game of nerves from now until then: Miranda was a damn good shot and a powerful biotic, the assassin had to know this, and the odds were even, now that her partner was down. Any wrong move–

Miranda didn’t wait for the phantom to make her first move, firing up a biotic pull that yanked the office desk and chair into the couch, spinning over it and crashing into the window panes, while Miranda crouched down to avoid the shower of tiny glass shards. The noise was deafening in the quiet night cycle.

Shots fired into the couch, ripping up the synthetic fabric, the bullets piercing the back, only inches from Miranda’s shoulders. Based on the sound, Miranda dived out on one side of the couch and sliding on her back a few yards, she peppered the space where she suspected her attacker would be with a couple of bullets. Almost all of them hit, sending the phantom reeling long enough for Miranda to roll out onto the balcony, through thousands of tiny shards that sank into her suit, piercing tiny holes and cutting her elbows and arms in a dozen places.

There came the biotic blast Miranda was expecting, a bouncing shockwave that threw her against the railing, but she miscalculated, hoping she would get at least one more step and leap, using the momentum of the blast to sail over and down the side of the building.

Instead, she slammed into the metal frame, leaving her breathless and stunned, with barely enough time to spin around before the phantom was on top of her. While she was a good shot and good biotic, melee combat was a specialty of the Cerberus assassins. They loved to get up close to their targets and kill them with blades, silently.

The only reason Miranda was still alive was that she practically wrote the playbook, or at least read it thoroughly, so she knew what to expect. She managed to grab the wrist holding the knife and keep it away from her. She knew when the head butt was coming so she leaned away and soaked it with her shoulder. Just the right amount of force to tip her back over the railing.

Miranda hooked her leg around the phantom’s supporting leg, behind her knee that held most of her weight, and the world started to spin. Still hassling for the blade, they went over, Miranda kicking and screaming, trying to flip them over during the short fall. Since she knew what she wanted, she just needed to twist her torso, push their hands down between them and Miranda was above, the phantom below when they crashed into the terrace under them.

They had more momentum than Miranda hoped and they bounced right over, across the railing to the next level below. She probably heard the phantom’s spine cracking as she took the metal railings with her back, the knife slipping off on the phantom armor’s thigh piece, just to sink into the inside of the other thigh above the knee joint.

The impact forced the remaining air out of Miranda’s lungs and she was gasping for air loudly while they fell, crashing into the concrete tilings of the ground floor terrace with Miranda still miraculously on top. Pain blossomed in her chest and her leg, still tangled with the phantom’s, and she would have screamed, had she been able to make a sound. She tasted blood in her mouth, her head was throbbing as she knocked her forehead on the phantom helmet and she was wheezing for air that just didn’t want to fill her lungs.

Miranda rolled off the probably dead phantom and onto her back, hurting all over, desperate for a gasp of air. The pain from her ribs made her back arch, and the shock was finally enough that she could draw a loud, rasping breath.

It was over, and she was alive, at least for now. She only needed a few minutes to catch her breath, assess her injuries and drag herself to safety, preferably before C-Sec arrived.  
Drawing another painful breath she realized there was no way she would make it, so she just laid there motionless, staring up at the dark ceiling above the embassies, enjoying the cool night, waiting for her fate.

She might have blacked out for a few seconds, because in the next moment there was movement above her, and a dark, lean shape appeared as she jumped down from the second floor, with the grace and quiet of a prowling feline. A third phantom, maybe?  
“Miranda Lawson?” the shadow said and stepped forward to stand above her. She was not Cerberus, although the prowess and shape could have been. She was Alliance. Miranda groaned, recognizing the woman.

“Congratulations, Commander Williams,” Miranda croaked. “You got me.”  
But Ashley Williams just shook her head, lowering her gun that pointed at her.  
“We need to get you out of here before C-Sec arrives.”  
Miranda let her head drop back, closing her eyes and letting out a painful sigh.  
“The Alliance doesn’t like to share?”  
“I’m not taking you in.”

Miranda opened her eyes, looking up at Williams, squinting. The marine was checking out the Phantom, poking her head with her boot to check if she was out, not even pointing a gun at Miranda. She seemingly lost interest in her and only found the dead Cerberus assassin slightly more worthy of her attention.

“Why?”  
Ashley Willams scoffed, looking around with a bored expression.  
“Would you talk if I brought you in?”  
“No.”  
“Would Cerberus get to you before we could make you talk?”  
“Yes.”

Ashley shrugged. “Then I’m not taking you in.” She turned her attention back at Miranda. “I want to talk to you about Shepard. In private.”  
Miranda closed her eyes and swallowed, taking a ragged breath to hide her surprise. She nodded.

“Okay.”  
“Can you stand up?”  
“Not for a while.”  
A pause. The marine was weighing her options.  
“How bad is it?”  
“A sprained ankle. A couple of broken ribs, probably.”

Williams nodded, stepped above her and kneeled down, one knee between her thighs. She looked her over with a blank expression, a marine checking the casualties. She holstered her gun.  
“I’m gonna lift you up on your feet and I’m gonna need both hands. If you try something tricky, just remember, that I can outrun ya.” Williams offered.

Miranda snorted, which also made her wince. She just nodded silently.  
“I will put my hands behind your back to keep your spine straight while you stand up, so you don’t puncture your lungs or something. Just pull your legs under you as fast as you can,” Williams explained matter-of-factly, like a paramedic.

“Okay,” Miranda whispered. She really wanted to get out of here.  
“Ready?” the marine asked and when Miranda nodded, she leaned over her, slipped one palm to the small of her back, to the base of her spine, the other one between her shoulder blades. “Grab my neck,” she said quietly.

Miranda wrapped her arms around the marine’s neck, the closeness and the implied intimacy of the position making her blush with confusion. Fortunately she could hide it by burying her face in Williams’ neck, which just increased the sensation.

Ashley slowly lifted her up, easily like a piece of wood, or a dancer, swinging her partner around. Gasping from the dull pain, Miranda swiftly pulled her legs under her, pushing as soon as she could, favoring her bad ankle. In one smooth move, they were standing, Miranda still clinging to Williams for a few awkward seconds.

The marine was lean but she certainly was stronger than she looked.  
“Come on,” Williams nodded, patting her back, oblivious to Miranda’s embarrassment. She probably did this a dozen times with injured comrades. Miranda winced, and they both looked up when they heard vehicles approaching. “Time to go.”

They started to make their way through the dark, grassy park, towards the Presidium lakes and were gone before C-Sec noticed the first body.

*****

Ashley dragged Miranda Lawson to the next skycab terminal and they waited silently until one arrived. She was surprised that the ex-Cerberus operative could move and stand after that stunt she pulled before. Ashley arrived at the scene less than a minute after the first shots fired, and was just bursting through the door when she saw the two entangled bodies flip over the balcony railing.

She thought that was it, she arrived too late, Lawson was dead. When she reached the railing she could see the bodies land with a dull thud two stories down, after bouncing off the terraced balcony below. Knowing C-Sec would be close behind, she had to move fast before witnesses emerged.

Ashley prepared for the worst, the bodies lying unmoving in the dark. It was a nasty, bone-breaking fall, even she had to be careful when jumping down. It was a relief to see that Lawson at least was alive.

As she helped Lawson stand up and wrapped an arm around her waist, putting Lawson’s arm around her shoulder, she was still amazed how she survived. She felt light and lean in Ashley’s hold, firm but not muscular in her catsuit that was her only protection. She was either sturdier than she looked and felt, or she was damn lucky.

Either way, her painful face was genuine, and she did look pale and shaken up from the experience. Ashley put her in the cab and switched to manual as soon as she hopped in.

“I am taking you to a motel,” Ashley said, when Lawson looked at her suspiciously. “Relax, if I wanted to take you in, I would have waited until C-Sec arrived.”

Lawson seemed to ponder on this, and shot a few suspicious and curious glances at Ashley on the way. They touched down near a large, low-end mass lodging complex. Mostly automated, which was what Ash needed.

She pulled the Cerberus fugitive from the cab and dragged her to the reception. She flashed her Alliance credentials at the scanner, keyed in an override code that C-Sec used in witness protection cases, courtesy of Garrus’s old contacts in the force, and hurried into the elevator. Lawson was slowly drifting away, her face pale and her breathing labored, small painful wheezes. She tried to hold it together, but the pain must have been bad, and she kept her lips pressed thin.

Ashley hit the panel on the door and quickly slipped inside before anybody could see them, and lowered Lawson onto the couch. She quickly looked around the dingy, tiny room and went for the first aid kit in the kitchen section.

When she returned to the couch, Lawson was not moving and Ashley was afraid that she had died of internal bleeding or something, but she could still see her trying to breathe and trying to keep her eyes open. She had to concentrate on every breath, and judging from her expression, that was probably the only thing she could focus on right now. Ashley grimaced - she could have been more gentle, but she needed to get them out of sight.

“I brought medigel and some painkillers,” she said quietly, unpacking the kit on the coffee table. She put two pills into Lawson’s hand, who shook her head slowly.  
“No… have to keep… a clear mind…”  
“You are half out of your mind already with pain,” Ashley snorted. “You can’t keep a clear head either way. You are no use to me this way. Take the pills, let’s fix you up and you’ll talk when you wake up.”

Lawson tried to sigh. She winced and nodded wordlessly, giving in quickly. She swallowed the pills and tried to relax.  
“Let’s put some medigel on your ribs…” Ashley suggested.  
The ex Cerberus agent clumsily reached for the zipper and tried to peel off her jacket, but in the end, Ash had to do it, while Lawson closed her eyes and let her take care of her injuries.

Ashley was actually glad that Lawson was not paying attention. When she opened her jacket and pulled it away, she let out a soft gasp and froze. The bruising was extensive, both sides of her ribs already purple and slightly swollen, the skin tight and shiny. But it was also disconcerting to Ashley that despite all the bruising and the simple, practical sports bra, Lawson’s body was still so well shaped that Ashley couldn’t help but stare. Any woman would kill for a body like Lawson’s, but they wouldn’t look this good.

Ashley’s hand trembled as she squeezed the cool gel out of the small pack and onto her palms as she carefully reached out and tried to apply it to the bruised area. Miranda hissed and tried to keep still, her face distorted from the pain, teeth flashing in a snarl and her eyes squeezed tight.

Ashley mumbled something and very gently rubbed the gel into the skin. Lawson slowly calmed down. Her body felt very warm under Ashley’s palm, trembling and so perfectly lean and smooth, her chest rising and falling, her breasts almost mesmerising.

Ashley shook her head to clear her mind and blinked a few times. Being a marine, she was used to the guys ogling girls on shore leave, and making comments on their… assets. It was always a pleasant banter, Ashley occasionally calling them out on their casual sexist comments, kicking their asses if they were too crude, or joining the compliments if they were well-deserved. She was quite confident of her own body, and her proportions, which drew a few remarks as well, especially since most of the other women in the armed forces tended to be on the flat side of the chest curvature.

Ashley rarely thought about her own sexuality, but then again, she rarely had the chance to get up close and personal with girls whom she at least conceded she wouldn’t throw out of her bunk. This was one of those moments, and all the more confusing because even bruised, Lawson was in a whole different league, not to mention completely at Ashley’s mercy, barely conscious– vulnerable. And very high on the Alliance’s most wanted list.

Miranda let out a soft sigh as the gel started to work is calming effect, some of the tension going out of her body.  
“Shit,” Ashley whispered very softly to herself, sighing again, spending too much time rubbing the gel in.

She fared a little better with the sprained ankle, needing to only remove the boots, not the pants. She never thought this much about bodily contact, when she rubbed and bandaged Miranda’s ankle… and she had plenty of opportunities in the last few years when she needed to treat somebody on the battlefield. This felt very different.

Lawson was already sleeping by the time Ashley cleaned up the tiny cuts. She covered her with a blanket right there on the couch, and she crawled into the bed wide awake. She found it very hard to go to sleep.

*****

The next morning, Miranda awoke to the smells of breakfast cooking. She felt sore everywhere. She took her time to orient herself before giving signs she was awake. Her leg was propped up with a cold pack around her ankle. She tried to take a few big breaths, wincing and grunting in pain, but she knew it was necessary so the bones would heal properly. Even with the aid of medigel and her superior genetics, a bone could heal badly. She will have to make a conscious effort to take a few deep breaths every hour. She also knew she needed at least some painkillers to get through the day.

“Breakfast is ready,” Williams called from across the counter, no doubt hearing the noises Miranda made.  
Miranda carefully sat up and made her way to the counter, clinging to every piece of furniture on the way, until she slowly sat on one of the barstools. Williams made a basic breakfast from some powdered egg-type goo and some honest-to-god coffee capsule. She still seemed gruff and moody, but in a different way than last night. She seemed to avoid making eye contact, like she did something wrong and Ashley was pissed at her.

They ate the crappy breakfast in silence, Williams trying her best to ignore Miranda, while Miranda was trying to size her up. Once they were finished, Ashley put a few bottles of water on the counter and a painkiller, then glared at her, waiting.

Miranda ignored the stare and with a lot of wincing and hissing, she started to peel off her clothes.  
“Whoa!” Williams growled, rolling her eyes. “What the hell are you doing now?”  
Miranda blinked in confusion, throwing her jacket on the couch and tried to slip out of her pants, which became awkward as it seemed impossible without causing herself more pain, especially getting them off her feet.  
“I’m a mess. I need a shower,” she explained a bit impatiently, mostly because of her own clumsiness, baffled by the irritated marine. 

She thought nothing about undressing in front of an other woman but Ashley’s glare suddenly made her self-aware. She stood there in her underwear, her ribs purple and blue and green all over. She must have been a ghastly sight.

Williams scoffed, rolling her eyes and turning away to clean the dishes.  
“Whatever. Just make it quick.”

Miranda thought about remarking that it’s not that easy when every time she bent or turned she was seeing stars, but Williams was already in a foul mood, so she didn’t want to push it.  
Only she couldn’t easily reach behind her back to unhook her bra.  
“I need some help,” she admitted reluctantly.

Ashley turned around, her face starting to turn red. Miranda couldn’t really figure out why the marine was so mad at her.  
“You brought me here,” she reminded her as a sort of preventive strike. “If you want to talk, I want to feel decent again. I had a shitty night and yes, I look the way I feel right now. Do you have any problems with that?”

She might have come off grumpier than she intended, but she could barely stand straight, in fact, barely stand at all, she was sore everywhere and still mentally exhausted. She turned around less gracefully than she intended to and waited, trusting that Williams would figure out what she needed.

Miranda could see the other woman turn even redder than before, this time probably from embarrassment. She felt her step closer reluctantly and unhooked her bra without a sound. As soon as her bra loosened, Miranda cupped her breasts with one arm to keep the fabric on until the straps slipped down her shoulder. Maybe it were the injuries messing with her mind but she felt a little bad about snapping at Williams. Not that it would have bothered her to hurt the marine’s feelings, she told herself, it was more about remaining calm and regaining her composure, lest Williams would think she is weak.

She turned around slowly, Ashley standing there gruffly, her blush mostly gone but she kept looking at Miranda’s face. Holding the bra in place with her left arm, she reached out with the right, picking up the painkiller pill from the counter, popped it into her mouth, took the glass of suspicious looking juice and drank it to wash down the pill.

Williams watched quietly, and as dignified as it was possible, Miranda turned away and limped towards the shower, taking off her bra in the process.

Holding onto the doorframe, she turned back, trying not to twist her torso.  
“Thank you for the breakfast,” she said quietly before pulling the door closed behind her.

She took her time, making Ashley wonder if it was just the injuries, being that fastidious, or just to annoy her. Miranda emerged twenty minutes later, wrapping herself in towels and a bathrobe, sitting back to the counter, where it didn’t make her gasp in pain just to sit.  
“So…” Miranda said, trying to sound overtly casual, as if nothing happened. “What do you want to talk about?”

Williams shot her another glare.  
“I want you to fill in the gaps. Tell me why I should believe Shepard.”  
Miranda scoffed. “I’m sure you have read Shepard’s testimony by now…” _Minus the parts that were probably redacted,_ she added to herself. “ How do you think a Cerberus agent could convince you Shepard is NOT Cerberus? Isn’t that a contradiction?”

Ashley shook her head, lips pressed thin.  
“An ex-Cerberus agent. And it’s in your best interest to tell me what you know, so I don’t take you in.”  
“So that’s your offer? I answer your questions and you’ll let me go?”  
“No. I saved your ass. You answer my questions. If you want to walk out of here free, you tell me the truth. If it matches Shepard’s testimony, I’ll know.”

Miranda paused and pondered a bit, eyes on Williams.  
“Let me get this straight. You don’t want me to prove if Shepard’s guilty or innocent?”  
Ashley smirked.  
“If I wanted you to prove Shepard’s innocence, you would try to spin your answers that way. So I wouldn’t be able to trust your words.”  
“So what’s your agenda, Lieutenant-Commander? What do you really want?”

“I want the truth, Lawson. Wherever it leads. I need to know…” Williams hesitated, searching for the right words. “I will decide if I can trust Shepard or not. Think of it as a… witness testimony. I will draw my own conclusions.”

Miranda let out an amused snort, and took a good look at Ashley Williams again. She did seem as determined as ever, with the straightforwardness of any marine she ever met. Lost before Shepard found her, and lost again when Shepard was presumed dead, she had all the potential to become greater even with all the baggage. 

Miranda read her file during the Lazarus Project, she knew where Williams came from and could spot all the subtle changes. There was a newfound determination in her demeanor, like a woman on a mission: cutting through all the crap and getting the answers she needed. Finally she was standing on her own feet and making her own calls. Miranda could appreciate that. What Ashley Williams lacked in diplomatic finesse, she made up for it with integrity and strength.

Miranda nodded, finishing her quick mental assessment. It would serve no purpose to lie to her, she decided. She only needed to be careful of what she revealed.

“Fine,” she sighed with a painful grimace rubbing her temples, trying to stay sharp with the painkiller slowly kicking in. “Ask away.”

And Ashley Williams was as thorough as a lawyer, or at least came prepared and probably read Shepard’s testimony several times. She asked questions to establish the recovery of Shepard’s body. Miranda admitted that Liara had a hand in it. She didn’t reveal that Liara eventually took over the Shadow Broker’s network, and technically, Ashley could only know about it if Liara revealed it to her – which Miranda hoped she didn’t, for everybody’s safety. Aside from Shepard, only Garrus, Tali and Miranda knew that particular secret.

Miranda went on to explain the two-year project of bringing Shepard back, making a point to establish that she was not involved in any of the shadier dealings of Cerberus before and during Lazarus. Thankfully, Ashley was not interested in that.

When Ashley asked about Shepard’s awakening and the deal that was made with The Illusive Man, Miranda could admit that the project was sabotaged by someone working for the Collectors, and that Miranda would have waited with waking Shepard up if she had a choice. Yes, the station was destroyed, along with every research data they had. Yes, it is possible that The Illusive Man would have a backup copy.

“So nobody can be sure that Shepard was not manipulated or indoctrinated somehow.”  
Miranda winced, taking a few careful, deep breaths. It hurt less than before, but it was uncomfortable, and they were already talking for a while. She carefully rose to walk over to the couch. She needed to lie straight for a while and mind her movements and breathing.

“I assume you want to know if we put a control chip in him or alter his mind in some way.”  
“Damn straight, I do. So far you told me nothing useful.”  
Miranda chuckled, trying to lie down. In the end, she needed Williams’ help to settle in comfortably. She was fidgeting with another painkiller pill. As much as she hated not being hundred percent sharp, she needed time to think and rest to be sharp enough later. And that meant popping a second pill.

“In fact I did. I confirmed what Shepard testified so far.” She closed her eyes for a few heartbeats to gather her thoughts and courage. “As for controlling Shepard, the fact that you suspect manipulation reveals that you can imagine why it would sound logical to do so.”

Ashley pondered.  
“I can imagine Cerberus doing pretty much anything unethical.”  
“Fair enough,” Miranda nodded. “What Shepard probably did not tell you was, that I was actually for the control chip.”  
Williams narrowed her eyes, the little trust she had in Miranda seemingly dissipating. Miranda looked at her with a bitter smirk.

“I had long arguments with The Illusive Man to include a chip for safety measures.”  
“You are making quite a case against yourself here,” Williams frowned.  
“I know,” Miranda shrugged. “But I admitted this to Shepard himself right at the very beginning. I also told him that The Illusive Man was adamant that we bring him back with his mind as intact as possible. No tampering whatsoever. No amount of reasoning could convince The Illusive Man. He had an almost religious conviction about it… Hence the name of the project, I suppose.”  
“So why are you telling it to me now?”  
“Because Shepard probably did not put it into his testimony. Probably to protect me.”  
“Why would he do that?”  
“You would have to ask him that.”

Williams sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose.  
“I suppose they would have found that chip, or the trace of it.”  
“So you know they looked for it.”  
“Of course…” Ashley paused. “But that doesn’t actually mean that you didn’t tamper with his mind some other way.”  
“I don’t expect you to know this, Commander, but that would have actually been altering his personality, and risking that his decision-making and reasoning would become compromised. In this sense, The Illusive Man was right.”

“But why? Why did he risk Shepard bailing out on him?”  
“He needed that Shepard, the one who could defy authority and orders if needed to, to achieve his goal, and to bend others to his will… The Illusive Man knew that Shepard would put humanity’s interest above everything else.” Miranda paused. “A chip would have been safer. With a switch in my pocket, to flip it if he were to do something suicidal or erratic.”

Ashley’s eyes flashed.  
“You are not helping yourself.”  
“On the contrary. I am telling you something that only Shepard and I can know, and you can verify it. I’m sure the boffins already got hold of Shepard’s DNA and brain scans from the records and compared it to his current biology. If they didn’t yet, they would find it a perfect match. He was not tampered with.”

“You are quite sure of that for someone who admitted an intention of foul play.”  
“Because I’m that good. Your Shepard is still the same as he was before. The Illusive Man was right to argue that we leave his mind intact. And I am telling you the truth because by testifying against myself will hopefully convince you.”

“I can’t verify what you just said. Even if I get back to Earth, they won’t let me see the evidence.”  
“And why is that?” Miranda inquired, putting a hand behind her head to keep her back straight, pushing her chest out so she could breathe easily.

Williams quickly tore her gaze away and went to get her drink before returning to the couch and sitting down on the coffee table.  
“Above my security clearance,” she muttered.  
“That’s a shame, Commander Williams. And it’s very telling of the Alliance politics.” Miranda quickly went over the events in her mind, searching for something for Williams to chew on. “Especially since despite the Alliance’s misgivings, Admiral Hackett was covertly sending Shepard on errands all over the place. It was quite a nuisance.”

“Yeah, whatever. It’s not enough. And still doesn’t explain why he struck a deal with your boss and went rogue.”

“You are still quite naive, Commander,” Miranda remarked, trying not to laugh. “You know Shepard. He was not easily convinced, but he also didn’t have much of a choice. Insane amounts of resources were spent on bringing him back. If you think it over, you’ll realize that he did not ‘work’ for Cerberus as much as he made a temporary alliance to save lives. And if you think about the alternatives, you could see that Shepard probably would not have fared as well with the Alliance if he refused Cerberus. Would he have gotten the resources? The funds? The permission? Or he would have had to break the rules… again. Just think about that… He followed the evidence. Just like you do now.”

Williams scoffed and slumped back into the chair, avoiding looking at Miranda as she pondered, chewing her lips in frustration, it seemed. Miranda took the opportunity to present her own case while Williams was still confused.

“Ask yourself this, Commander Williams: What would it take for someone who was the right hand of The Illusive Man for almost twenty years, and who wanted to implant a control chip into the brain of the most important human in the galaxy, to turn against Cerberus? Who would be capable of changing their mind? Would he do that if he was really working for Cerberus and under their spell? I am your proof. And the assassins sent after me.”

Ashley Williams finally looked at her, and their eyes met. Her cheeks were flushed, probably from the frustration and the anger at the lack of absolute proof and the fact that she would have to concede Miranda’s point. Miranda could understand it. She hated to concede in an argument, too.

The silence grew between them, Williams looking away again. Miranda could appreciate that she was not rambling on and did not find the silence as an admittance of anything. The marine had to lower her shields, pondering, no doubt, if she could believe Miranda and accept her argument. 

“Were you…” Williams started, very obviously looking away. “...were you involved? With Shepard?”  
Miranda suppressed a smile. She had to admit, it was a logical question. Given her genetic makeup and the fact that she labored over him for two years, one could easily come to the conclusion that the nurse has fallen for the patient, and the patient for the smartest girl around. Especially since he managed to convince her to part with Cerberus.  
“No, Commander,” she said slowly, closing her eyes. “I had my doubts about the project and did not trust Shepard… And I understood he had an– affair with Dr. T’Soni. I was not interested in inconvenient melodrama and emotional tensions. They are a distraction and we could not afford to jeopardize our mission.”

That came out colder than she intended to, painting her in an unflattering light. She didn’t care. She was getting groggy. They were talking for hours now, and she was still battered and sore.

She decided to change subject.  
“Why did you come to me, Commander?” she asked softly.  
That roused Williams from her thoughts. She looked at Miranda with a vague expression.

“You were the only one I could find.”  
Miranda snorted.  
“That’s flattering.” She paused. “Still. How is it that the easiest person to find was someone who runs and hides professionally from at least two fractions?”

Ashley shrugged.  
“I just followed the assassins. Those led me to you.”  
Miranda nodded. She didn’t believe that it was the full story but she let it slide.

“What about the rest of the Normandy crew?”

“Well,” Ashley sighed. “Garrus went back to Palaven. Not easy to catch up with him. Taylor vanished. The asari Justicar was not an option. The salarian went home, too and promptly vanished, too. I doubt the krogan would have been useful. That biotic… Jack… Hackett got her a teaching job at Grissom. I could go talk to her, but she freaks me out, and she probably wouldn’t talk to me either. Joker is useless, too protective, and prone to… exaggerate. He is hiding something. Tali returned to the Fleet, the other mercenaries went their own way, too. They couldn’t have told me too much anyway. Liara was not on board and her involvement ended where yours began. So…”

“So of all the people that were hard to find, I was the easiest to find…” Miranda asked dubiously.  
Ashley shrugged again.  
“You were the best chance to give me relevant information. And believe me, the only list you were on before, was the most wanted list. I was not particularly happy to go after you without taking you in. I’m breaking a few rules as it is.”  
“Again: flattering.”

Williams shook her head in frustration and rubbed her forehead.  
“Never mind. I’ll sort it out later... Tell me what happened after Horizon…”

Miranda shook her head. “Later. I need some rest and a bit of sleep,” she said slowly, focusing on forming the words correctly. “I’II doubt I could tell you any more than is in the ship’s logs and the crew reports. I kept the records clean and tidy…”

“Fine. We will pick this up later,” Williams conceded thoughtfully.  
Miranda shrugged.  
“Mkay,” she murmured, and already pulled a blanket on her, very carefully. She could have sworn she saw something in Williams’ eyes, maybe pity or even a bit of empathy. Not that she needed it, it even made her blush a bit in defiance. Miranda Lawson did not need anybody’s pity.

As she settled in she absently wondered about how Williams applied the medigel on her ribs. Her memories were vague about last night, but she did remember how Williams held her and pulled her up, and how unnervingly intimate it felt. Ah, well, it was only the shock and the pain, making her feel too vulnerable, that’s all. She’ll sleep it off, starting right now.

*****

Miranda drifted in and out of sleep for the rest of the day, waking up to sudden jolts of pain, taking deep breaths and then waiting until the pain dulled enough so she could fall asleep again. She knew that it was only the first 24 hours that was unbearable, but it didn’t help her mood.

Williams asked her if she needed more painkillers, which earned her a gaze that would have made anybody shiver from some imaginary cold. Williams remained unfazed, though, shrugging impatiently and got back to watching holovids. 

Miranda wanted to avoid taking drugs in case she starts to blurt out secrets and thoughts she didn’t want to share with anyone. On the other hand, having multiple broken ribs on both sides and having to take deep breaths was akin to torture.

The third time she woke up, she was sweating, her hair sticking to her head, the bathrobe she wrapped herself in clinging to her heavily. She realized she woke up to the door opening and Williams entering with a bag of some cheap fast food that Miranda normally wouldn’t have touched. Sadly, these were hard times and she had to get used to them again.

Miranda very carefully stood up, remembering to breathe deeply, followed by painful grimaces. She was feeling much better, thanks to her superior genetics, but Williams probably didn’t know that, so she needed to play the part.

It was amusing to watch Williams’ discomfort while Miranda sat around in the kitchen area or on the couch in only the robe, like she was at home and the marine was just a guest. Miranda knew exactly how and when to cross her legs or stretch (as gracefully as her ribs allowed it) to make any man melt so she could wrap them around her fingers. She was quite good at it. Taunting another woman and making them jealous about her looks was also something she was familiar with it. 

Behaving like she was in a classy hotel while Williams was stuck with her wardrobe of army slacks and tees was… entertaining. It also helped to avoid offtopic questions that the other woman might have had. After half a day of stewing in a cheap synthetic robe, however, she was decidedly less graceful and alluring, not to mention the patchwork of purple and green all over her torso. She winced as she carefully touched them to check the pain level. It was better. She still looked like a zombie in the making.

The foul mood was not fake, though. She hated hiding out in dingy motels, especially when it was not her choice. 

Ashley followed Miranda’s gaze to the boxes of food she was unpacking. “It’s not that bad,” Ashley shrugged, opening the plastic boxes, letting out the spicy smells.  
“Eugh,” Miranda rolled her eyes as she limped towards the shower like her life depended on it. She let the bathrobe fall to the floor halfway there, which in turn made Ashley roll her eyes and scoff.  
“What is it with you and running around naked?” she exclaimed, trying not to look at the curvaceous backside as Miranda attacked the shower again.

This time she didn’t stall for time, though, partly because she was hungry. It took more time to dress, however. The underwear and the jacket was easy, but the pants were a torture and she felt quite miserable by the end.

She emerged more or less collected and sat down at the counter, doing her best to eat with restraint. It could have been worse.  
“See? Not bad,” Ashley said placatingly.  
Miranda nodded reluctantly and they ate in silence.  
“So what did it take?” Williams asked after a while, curiously. “To make you leave Cerberus?”

Miranda took a deep breath. She successfully avoided this topic so far. She didn’t want to talk about personal stuff, but in the end, she shrugged. The marine earned to know this much.  
“Shepard seems to have an… uncanny ability to see past the facades,” she said musingly. “I’m sure you had a similar experience. That he can see the person you really are– or the one you want to be.”

This seem to have hit a chord with Williams as she kept quiet and chewed her food thoughtfully. Miranda remembered the marine’s file and how she was kept at groundside positions despite her performance, until Shepard took her under his wing.  
“That’s not all, though, isn’t it?” Williams asked finally, shooting a curious glance at Miranda from the corner of her eyes.  
“No. He did make me see things in a different way, though.”  
“How?”

Miranda smirked as her thoughts wandered back to their time on the Normandy. “Maybe some other time,” she shook her head, pushing away the empty plate. “It will make more sense if you knew the whole story.

Ashley nodded reluctantly and leaned back, letting Miranda gather the dishes.  
“My turn,” she nodded towards the shower and slowly stood up.

She looked a bit tired, and probably slept little, too, staying alert. Being in the same clothes all the time also didn’t help feeling fresh.

Miranda nodded as she limped around the kitchen area, cleaning up after themselves. After she heard the bathroom door close and the water rush, she became much more animated. She quickly popped two pills and gulped it down with a glass of water, then, clinging onto the counter with one hand and trying to keep her torso as straight as possible, she started to pull on her boots.

It involved a lot of jaw clenching, hissing and groaning, awkward positions and sharp jolts of pain until she managed that, already starting to sweat again. She took a quick look around, fastening her omnitool on her wrist and as quietly as possible, she slipped out of the motel room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashley's investigation concludes on a sunny beach. Her troubles are just beginning.

Three weeks later Ashley Williams was still fuming. Tangled in red tape at the Alliance HQ in Vancouver she was trying to get her questions answered, her clearance raised, getting stonewalled every step of the way. 

She could not read the full testimony, nor could she take a look at the evidence. Talking to Shepard was not exactly forbidden, but the lawyers were dragging their feet about it and buying time. Ashley was not sure if it was still the Williams Curse working against her, or the typical incompetence and ignorance of the armed forces, or that maybe it was a conspiracy against her. Lawson’s off-hand remark about Hackett was nagging at her. Or simply, it was a new thing, a Shepard Curse, and she was being brushed off because she used to be a part of Shepard’s crew. 

It would have been ironic, and if it turns out to be true, Ashley swore she would bash some teeth in.

It didn’t help, that her only witness bailed out on her. Ashley was baffled about how Lawson was able to get far enough with a bad ankle and broken ribs. She must have popped a few painkillers and made a run for it, and paid the price later, writhing in agony. At least Ashley hoped she did.

The good thing about it was, that since Ashley snatched her up in an unofficial capacity, she didn’t have to explain it to anybody, how she lost the #2 most wanted Cerberus terrorist, and face the consequences.

Instead, she was conveniently sent on an errand to meet some turian envoy on Arcturus Station. She did not appreciate the irony but she did get the message. She also got a message on her way back to Earth, this time from Liara. Oddly enough, Hackett managed to get clearance for an asari to access the prothean finds on Mars, but didn’t seem to be able arrange at least a visit with Shepard for her. She called Liara back as her ship passed by the red planet.

“Commander Williams,” Liara chimed politely on the video feed. She seemed distracted, but in a nerdy kind of way which Ashley learned to accept. “Did you find out what you needed to know?”

“Yes and no. Lawson confirmed Shepard’s testimony and what you told me. I managed to fill in some gaps up until Horizon, so…” she trailed off. “She seemed cooperative and then managed to slip away before I could ask any more questions. It was frustrating.”

“I see. At least it was not a complete waste. I had a very tense conversation with her after she got away from you.”

“Oh? Did she threaten you?”  
“Not in any menacing way,” the asari smiled. 

Lawson probably figured out who tipped Ashley off and was just as annoyed at Liara as Ashley was at Miranda. “It was harmless, I can assure you. We sorted out the… misconceptions.”

Ashley scoffed. It didn’t make much sense, but there must have been something else between them, some arrangement she was not aware of. It did not matter.  
“Did she at least tell you, why she bailed out?”  
“I’m afraid not. But she suggested that you will figure out her reasons…”

Ashley let out a frustrated growl, pinching the bridge of her nose. Trying to think out loud, hoping it would jog her brain or maybe the asari could come up with something.  
“I’m still trying to get in to talk to Shepard, but they are stalling me. I put together what was in his full report, and some pieces of the two years before… I’ll just have to plan my next step. To talk to Shepard somehow...”

“Commander… Ashley,” Liara was talking, trying to cut off her train of thought. “Can I give you an advice?” Liara said politely.  
Ashley sighed, looking at the monitor, knowing she won’t like it.

“Sure,” she said resigned.  
“You gathered a lot of -as you say- heat in the… uh, high brass, I think is the word…? Maybe it would be better to, um, ‘lay low’ for a while?”  
Ashley narrowed her eyes. “Have you been watching human broadcasts, Liara?”

Liara seemed to produce the asari equivalent of a blush.  
“I am holed up on Mars for more than a month now, commander. I figured, if I’m going to study the protheans I might as well…” she noticed Ashley’s look, “never mind… it’s an occupational hazard.”

“I won’t be sidelined again, Liara.”  
“You will be if you continue, Ashley…” Liara said softly. “Just… take a vacation… let them think you gave up. Give yourself some time to come up with a new plan.”  
“Vacation?” Ashley scoffed.

“Yes. Vacation,” the asari said, with an unusual emphasis on every word. “I hear, Australia is nice this time of the year.” She paused, and anticipating the next question she added with a nervous smile. “I just watched a documentary about the cleanest beaches on Earth. Apparently it’s in Marouba, Sydney.” She sighed, looking around, no doubt regretting the bleak, red desert that surrounded her.

“Sounds like you want to go there, Liara.” Ashley mused. “You can take a break, too.”  
The asari scientist smiled.  
“Maybe I will. But you should definitely go there. To Sydney.” Again, the emphasis. Ashley frowned at the odd tone. She nodded and thanked Liara for the call, they said brief goodbyes, and they cut the call.

Only after a minute or so did Ashley started to suspect that the asari was trying to tell her something, convey some hidden message. Australia… Sydney… and then it hit her.  
With a bemused snort she nodded at the now dark screen.  
“Vacation it is.” she smirked, and started to fill out a request for leave.

***

It’s been three days since Ashley Williams took shore leave and flew over to Sydney, locating the Marouba district and renting a cottage not far from the beach. It was nice and quiet and hot, but the salty breeze was pleasant, and people were relaxed all around. Very relaxed. Ashley on the other hand already knew that there were only so many days that she could do nothing. The morning jogs on the beach were actually good, and it did feel nice to catch some rays.

She had four more days from her week off, and the magic was starting to wear off. She decided this would be her last day on the beach and then she would start hitting the pubs, or the reef.

Contrary to popular belief she was not born in combat gear and did not feel naked or exposed without her armor. She was comfortable in her swimwear, and she did get a handful of stares, which also felt good, although she knew that most of those were due to her well-toned muscles and not her other curves. She smirked even before she passed them, reveling in the occasional nervous glances, as if her eyes were saying “yes, I could take you down, too”. She had to conclude that she could take out most of the people on the beach in hand-to-hand combat—

She got a taste of her own medicine later, however, when resting on a deckchair, sipping an icy cocktail, she noticed a blonde in a black bikini walking towards her in the sand, rubbing her hair with a towel, smiling confidently. And that walk was more like striding with a cadence to the hips, a bunch of perfect curves and flawless skin that coalesced into a gently swaying apparition called Miranda Lawson.

Good thing Ashley was sipping her drink and wearing sunglasses, so that the only thing betraying her utter surprise was the choking as the drink almost came out of her nose, forcing her to sit up and take control of her esophagus and her breathing.

There was no limping, and no traces of fading bruises around her ribs. She checked. Thoroughly. Modern medicine can do wonders, she thought. Lawson not so much sat down, but glided smoothly into the deckchair next to Ashley, keeping an amused expression, looking out over the ocean. Ashley frowned and sat back, not even looking at her but staring sullenly forward behind her shades. For an outsider it looked like they didn’t even know each other.

“Good to see you, commander,” Miranda offered, throwing her beach towel on the table between them. “I have to say, you clean up nice.”  
She rested her head back on the chair and closed her eyes, enjoying the heat of the sun drying her skin. Ashley didn’t even look at her, and only acknowledged her words with a quiet snort.

The silence stretched between them, until a waitress came and took Miranda’s order. As soon as she was out of earshot, Ashley couldn’t help herself and snapped her head in Miranda’s direction.  
“You’ve got some nerve, Lawson,” she hissed. “Showing yourself in plain sight, here of all places! Aren’t you suppose to be on the run? Hiding?”  
Lawson smiled.  
“Come on, Williams. Who would point me out? So what if somebody was looking for a blonde on the beach?” she asked playfully, waving her hand around discreetly.

Ashley followed her gesture. It was true: pretty women were galore around them, many blonde… it was a good disguise, hiding in plain sight, except that even Ashley’s pulse quickened when she noticed Lawson approaching.  
“You are either very stupid, or you are intentionally taking a huge risk, Lawson. Are they watching us now?”

“Nobody is watching us, commander,” Miranda said placatingly, watching the people come and go, enjoying the beach, talking, swimming, playing beach ball. “Well, nobody is _spying_ at least. I can’t speak for those enjoying the view,” she added pointedly, giving Ashley a lookover from the corner of her eyes. “Can you blame them?”

Ashley was not in the mood to discuss the phenomenon of two bikini-clad women drawing the occasional looks from men in their vicinity.  
“ What’s your play? Am I your insurance policy?”

She quickly leaned back as she noticed the waitress returning with an icy cold cocktail. Lawson smiled, thanked her and then pouted her lips ever so slightly to sip into the glass. Ashley winced as the now blonde woman made even this look alluring.

“Maybe a bit of both. I trust that you will appreciate the help I have given you and will put in a few good words for me in case I need it…” she sipped her drink again. “And yes, I am taking a risk.”

Ashley was not impressed. “Great. It was worth bailing out on me…”  
“Ah, that one. I realized that I was set up by a mutual friend. Besides, if the Alliance were to ever find out that you let me go, it would have been the end of your career. I did you a favour, commander.”

“Well, a lot of good it did to me…” Ashley spat bitterly, returning to slurping her drink. “And if you were hoping that I would be able to put in good words for you, you bet on the wrong horse.”  
Miranda hummed in understanding. “I was about to ask. How has the Systems Alliance been treating you?”

“Go ahead, gloat,” Ashley growled, drinking her cocktail sullenly. “I can’t give you protection. You set up this little meeting in vain.”

“I don’t need your help, commander,” Miranda said calmly, still sounding a bit amused. “I’m here to finish our conversation.”

Ashley let out a loud snort, shaking her head.  
“You’re just fucking with me.”  
“I was at a disadvantage. I was injured, in a lot of pain and impaired from the painkillers. Now we are on even ground.”

“So you are going to tell me the rest of the story. Out of the goodness of your heart.”  
Lawson shrugged nonchalantly, finishing her drink and putting it down gracefully on the table. She picked up the towel, dabbed her hair and sat up to leave.

“Maybe I feel it was rude of me to leave like that,” she said. Something rattled against Ashley’s glass on the table. “There is nothing more I can tell about the rest of the mission that you don’t already know, or relevant. That was one of the reasons I left.”

“That’s awfully nice of you.”  
Ashley shot a glance at her over her sunglasses.  
“The rest of the mission is not at all interesting.” Miranda paused. “Except of course the last part. Now that’s a whole different story that you will not find anywhere.”

Ashley raised her eyebrow behind her shades and looked at Miranda as she was standing up.  
“Oh, believe me, commander, if you were in their position–” Lawson waved towards the sky as she threw the towel over her shoulder, “–you would also classify the Omega Relay mission Ultra Top Secret for a million years and brainwash the crew. I know I would.”

“So why would you share this information with—” Ashley started to ask, when she noticed an omnitool on the table, next to her glass. It must have come from the towel, she realized as she glanced over at the other woman suspiciously from the corner of her eyes.

Lawson smiled. “For several reasons. One being… covering my ass, as you would say” she replied in a cheerful tone and started to walk off. “Come on, let me buy you a prawn on the barbie.”

“Uh, what?” Ashley blinked, trying to follow the sudden changes in the subject.  
“Shrimp. On barbecue,” Miranda said, wrapping the towel around her waist.  
Ashley absently fiddled with the omnitool and slipped it smoothly onto her wrist as she reached for her own towel. She stood up, throwing the towel over her shoulder, and looked around casually, just taking in the sight of people enjoying the sun and the sea, just like any other summer day on the Southern Hemisphere. If there were Cerberus agents or Alliance operatives in the crowd, Ashley could not spot them. She wondered briefly if Lawson was just being too cautious–not a stupid thing in her position–or just played Ashley.

She caught up with Lawson at the nearest stand just as she ordered two plates of shrimp, her accent suddenly more prominent.  
“Really, commander,” Miranda said jovially, “I took three days to make sure we are not being watched.”  
“So you spied on me.”  
“It’s only fair. Last time you were on my trail.”

Ashley rolled her eyes, taking the offered paper tray and started nibbling the food absently while Miranda smiled warmly at the vendor and paid. It was actually surprisingly good, and the bread roll, too, soaking up the salty juices. 

Despite her reputation as a cold and dangerous agent of a terrorist organization, Miranda Lawson could certainly sell herself as a friendly and open woman who blended in perfectly with the beach crowd. 

Ashley supposed it was to be expected from a spy, but the contrast was still so sharp to her that it made her wonder, which one was the real Miranda Lawson. Or if she has seen the real one yet. The injured Lawson was certainly not an act.

“Something wrong?” Ashley heard Lawson ask her and she realized she was staring blankly as they strolled towards the hotels.  
“Uh, nothing,” she mumbled, returning to the present, nibbling her food thoughtfully. “I see you made a full recovery.”

Miranda nodded, licking the spicy oils the shrimps were seasoned with off her fingers.  
“I never thanked you for your help back on the Citadel. I could have handled it myself, but I am sure it would have been worse without your intervention,” she smiled and nodded towards the almost empty paper trays. “I hope you accept this as a token of my appreciation.”

Ashley glanced at the shrimps and then back at Miranda with a scowl on her face.  
“You think this covers it?”  
Miranda laughed and shook her head. It made Ashley’s spine tingle.  
“Of course not.” She threw the plate into a trashcan and licked her fingers clean, rubbing her palms together.

They reached a small fountain in the shades of some trees, where the path split. Miranda stopped and turned towards Ashley and put a hand on her arm. It was a discreet, soft touch, maybe even a common, familiar gesture around here, where everybody was overly friendly and open, it only lasted a second, but it still left goosebumps on her skin. Pats on the arm shouldn’t surprise her this much.  
“I owe you one.” Miranda Lawson said and turned away, leaving her at the fountain as she strolled off towards the hotels.

“Wait… what were the other reasons?” Ashley called after her, trying to pick up the conversation where they left off back at the beach.  
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out, commander,” Lawson replied over the shoulder and walked on, clearly signaling that the conversation was over on her part.

Ashley scoffed, shaking her head as she stood and absently rubbed the omnitool around her wrist and started to make her way back to her own hotel.

The fact that she did not spot any suspicious people around them, however, did not mean that they were not there. Ashley was not a spy, not trained to notice these things. She did know enough however, that after she returned to her hotel room, she locked the door, turned on the holo-display and switched it to a lifestyle channel with a lot of talking people, turned up the volume and went into the bathroom to take a long bath.

Only then did she check out the omnitool. It must have been Lawson’s personal model, now unlocked. No biometric identification or password stopped her from accessing the menu. It was mostly wiped clean, except for a handful of video recordings. According to the timestamps–if she could believe them–they were made not long before Shepard turned himself in to the Alliance.

She hit play and her eyes immediately went wide as she watched, from the point-of-view of Lawson, standing in the Normandy’s cockpit, as the ship emerged from a relay jump into the middle of a bright interstellar cloud filled with debris.  
“It’s the Galactic Core…” somebody whispered as Joker nimbly put the ship through a series of maneuvers to dodge ancient shipwrecks and unrecognizable artificial objects.

The awe soon disappeared as Ashley heard their tense conversation, voices solemn and nervous, discussing their next move, facing some unknown threat. Soon Ashley completely forgot about the bath, sitting on the edge of the bathtub and staring at shaky pictures of the crew descending into the pits of hell…


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashley's recovery and the Cerberus coup

By the time the Reapers attacked, Miranda Lawson was as ready as it was possible. She had caches of money, food and equipment in a dozen worlds, factoring in Oriana’s location and potential planets she could reach with a small enough ship with a large enough FTL drive. Based on the preparations and the trip through the Omega Relay, she was suspicious of the other relays, too.

The news still shocked her, even after all the intensity of setting foot in a derelict Reaper and surviving the Omega relay. Her heart hammered in her chest and there was a lump in her throat as she listened to the news in the cramped space of a cargo bay of a smuggler ship that had accommodations for people who wanted to avoid the authorities.

The timing was almost lucky for her, as she was on her way from Bekenstein after tapping a significant amount of money and resources from a local, now defunct Cerberus cell. They were really not ready for her. 

Still, the space in the cargo bay suddenly got smaller, and in fact, Space itself got smaller for all of humanity and the other races, and the freighter suddenly seemed painfully slow as it plowed towards the Citadel.

Miranda quickly went over the potential scenarios in her head. Shepard was on Earth. If he makes it out of there, he’ll probably pick up Williams – who, by this time, hopefully digested the implications of the recordings she left her. They’d have to pick up T’Soni from Mars, which was a convenient stop anyway, not to mention to add the resources of the Shadow Broker to EDI’s already formidable capacity. She smirked as she thought about the power that thus concentrated on board the Normandy.

It still felt like an eternity to reach the Citadel, and apparently, the Normandy beat her to it. She kind of hoped to speak to Shepard, but it was too busy and too difficult to get close to him. She would have to wait until refugees would start to pour in and mingle with them. As long as Illium was safe, she had time.

Her optimism lasted until she found out about Ashley Williams rushed to the Huerta Memorial in critical condition. That was inconvenient, after all that she and Liara worked on smoothing out the wrinkles between her and Shepard.

To Miranda’s surprise, she found herself more upset about it than it would seem rational. It was not like they were friends or particularly close. She had to take time to calm herself down and even then she got distracted thinking about Williams while she went about her business, dodging C-Sec, the Alliance and Cerberus.

After a few days, when Shepard left for Palaven, she finally gave up and with a frustrated snort, she started to case out the hospital, both offline and online. She had to get fake ids and references to get anywhere close to Ashley, who was apparently well-guarded. She also accessed Ashley’s medical records, and it did not look good. She recognized a hopeless case when she saw one, and with the internal damage, her chances were not that good.

Fortunately, many of the injuries and problem were familiar to Miranda, and she did keep a personal copy of her work on the Lazarus Station. So while she prepared for her next trip off the Citadel, tracking the Normandy, Oriana and all those who hunted her, she put together a plan to get close to Williams.

She chose the night shift, a fake transfer from an Alliance military hospital, just to make it more interesting, got hold of a nurse’s uniform and waltzed into the hospital ward without any problems. Although her papers said that she was sent over from the military hospital to take samples and run tests on Williams for the Alliance specialists, she spent a little time helping with the usual night shift tasks, just to avoid suspicion.

Finally, near the end of the night cycle, when the patients were all asleep and the staff was less alert, she walked into Williams’ darkened room. She approached the bed and looked the marine over, trying to keep a straight face at the sight of the damage, all the bruises and bandages. The monitors were also showing bleak numbers, just like the charts, making Miranda grimace thoughtfully as she went through her options.

The files were not optimistic, listing all of the internal damages and fractures, and even more bleak about her head injuries. The reports suggested that they were not expecting full physical recovery and were not sure that they could pull her out of her coma without any brain damage.

Miranda scoffed disdainfully at the reports. Their efforts were adequate, but barely enough to keep her alive. Looking at the doctor’s notes, Miranda could guess that eventually they would be able to fix Williams, but she had small chances for a full recovery. With the Reapers already here, Miranda could not allow this to happen. Shepard needed her.

Most of the damage and complications were trivial to Miranda, but then again, she had two years and an infinite amount of budget to bring back Shepard, which was a much bigger challenge, involving developing revolutionary methods in cell regeneration and biomechanics, that the Citadel staff could only hope for. Given the hospital’s limited resources, not to mention that she had to cover her tracks, it still promised to be a hard task.

She copied the files to her omnitool and while she took blood samples and recorded the readouts, she occasionally stopped to take a look at Williams’ bruised face, wondering why she was so emotionally invested in this. She was certainly calmer when she fixed Shepard. Then again, she had as much time and money as she wanted, while at this moment, the Reapers were upon them and Williams was needed in the fight. It was an emotional time for everybody, and it will only get worse.

She had to hurry, though, not to get caught, so she finished taking notes, grabbed the samples and slipped out.

She found the physician in attendance, some Dr. Michel slumped in a couch in the doctor’s lounge, fast asleep. Miranda quickly swiped her ID chip and cloned it onto her omnitool. It would be useful to authorize treatments and more complex tests if needed. She then packed up her stuff, checked out her shift with the head nurse and went home.

For the next couple of weeks she went back to the hospital as a nurse to check on Ashley’s status, modifying dosages, prescribing treatments on behalf of Dr. Michel, tweaking the medication and collecting data.

By the time she was ready to leave the Citadel for a while to take care of a few things, she was quite confident that Ashley would eventually pull through, faster and healthier than the doctors diagnosed. She smirked as she looked at her charts one last time, then adjusted Ashley’s pillow and her blanket and walked out of the hospital, leaving it to a very baffled Dr. Michel to figure out Williams’ almost miraculous healing and the congratulations she received for her out of the box thinking and revolutionary methods.

***

Even a week after Ashley woke up, she still had trouble believing she was going to be all right. When that bitch started slamming her into various objects on Mars, Ashley was sure that that was it. As she felt the explosions of pain, the crunching noises of the bones breaking, the numbness, the impossible forces crushing her, she realized that she was not going to make it.

She was already surprised that she woke up only weeks after the incident, but with the pain she was still in, Ashley was not sure that it was a good thing. Surely, she would be crippled for life and condemned to a wheelchair or something, without being able to wipe her own ass, and that was no life to live. Not only that but apart from some concussion, her memory remained mostly intact and did not suffer any brain damage.

Ashley tried to imagine what could have been worse: waking up crippled but with a clear mind or trapped in her own mind, drooling, oblivious to the outside world. Ashley groaned as she tried to get more comfortable in the hospital bed. She would have nightmares about all the possible miseries she could have ended up with.

As it was, even the doctors seemed a bit uncertain around her, doing tests over and over again, like they were expecting her to crash at any second. That did not raise Ashley’s confidence. The nurses were praising her doctor, but even they did not sound convinced. And Dr. Michel was even weirder, stammering and asking a lot of questions about how Ashley was feeling.

Irritated, was her answer eventually, and even though Dr. Michel obviously saved Ashley’s life and she did seem to be on the path of full recovery, Dr. Michel did not seem happy about it even though it was supposed to be a smaller miracle. 

Ashley waited until she finished her check-up and left before picking up the Tennyson poems Shepard left her when he last visited, trying to find some measure of tranquility in the verses, but she couldn’t concentrate.

The good news was, that they were on the mend with Shepard. In the short time they could actually talk after they left Earth and before she was taken out, and since she woke up and not on painkillers, Ashley subtly tried to let Shepard know that she knew about the raid on the Collector Base and their conflict with the Illusive Man.

She thought about that a lot, watched the vids a couple of times until she was as certain as she could be about what happened, before thoroughly destroying the omnitool. It was a chilling watch, and not just because of the tactics involved. The horror was palpable even though the team more or less managed to keep their head level, apart from the occasional–and very justified–bursts of panic. Lawson was right. She needed to see this. Nothing else would have been enough proof for her, not to mention she wouldn’t have known what questions to ask.

Amidst all the chaos, monsters, impossible displays of biotic power and the proto-reaper that haunted even her in her thoughts, she could not help but be impressed how Lawson kept her wits about. The forced perspective of the events made her aware of the Cerberus operative’s choices, and moves, but more importantly, her own fear. Yes, she was efficient, a very good shot, agile, but more independent, not burdened by the body armor, and Ashley could see how she struggled to work in a team. When she kept close to Shepard, she was better at it. But behind that all, her voice, her panting breath, occasional grunts and hiding behind covers betrayed the intense fear that must have been gripping all of them. She could only imagine their nightmares after this mission.

But all that was just professional admiration. What changed everything, however, was that last communication with The Illusive Man, delivered to Ashley from up close and personal as they used Lawson’s omnitool for communication. All the while, the man was facing away from Lawson, but the voice was crystal clear, and Shepard’s level-headed, no-bullshit answers were the best proof Ashley ever needed. 

And when The Illusive Man finally turned towards Miranda and Ashley could see his face as he ordered her to stop Shepard, Ashley shuddered. “Consider this as my resignation,” Lawson said coldly, not a trace of fear in her voice, as she cut the feed.

The more Ashley thought about it, the more she realized that even if all the other evidence would have pointed towards Shepard’s “genuity”, Ashley had to admit that a tiny part of her would have still doubted him, and would have been suspicious about Lawson, too. She needed to see these things in this order, with her own eyes, culminating in that last communication.

This last call was the most valuable proof, that convinced her that Shepard was in the clear. There was absolutely no other way that she could have believed it, and there was no way she could have acquired this confirmation. She spent that last few days of her vacation in a daze, trying to act normal while her mind was racing. How smart it was for Lawson to give this to her and how this proved that both of them cut their ties with Cerberus. 

And how important was Ashley’s own decision to pursue this and go after Lawson with the help of Liara. And although in the end it was not exactly clear whether Liara played Ashley or Lawson, or both of them, or even if the asari conspired with Miranda, the results were beyond her wildest dreams. Not only did Ashley know almost as much as if she was there on the mission - and by God, how she would have loved to have been there! - but she also got Shepard back and a new ally at the same time.

As she was lying in the hospital bed for days and weeks on end, she had a lot more time to think. It was good to see Shepard, and eventually Ashley realized she did not need have a “Talk” with him. It was enough that she knew that she could trust him. So they talked about personal stuff, of becoming a Spectre, and eventually decided not to mull over her recovery. It was getting less awkward between them and Ashley hoped Shepard could see that trust was no longer an issue.

***

Almost minutes before she was going crazy, she was discharged from the hospital, on her own two feet, albeit with strict instructions to rest a lot and go easy on the exercises. Her induction into the ranks of Spectres was unceremonious and she wished Shepard was there. It felt a little bit disappointing, especially with Udina making a whole pretentious speech. The thought that even now she wasn’t above the law enough to not get ordered around by Udina was not improving her mood. Good thing she was still on painkillers.

And then it happened.

She was on her way to a completely unnecessary debriefing with Udina about some damn paperwork that would assign her resources, when the first explosions started, and the first shots were fired.

She spun around, searching for the source of the noise, pulling her gun. Fortunately, Spectres were allowed to carry guns in the Presidium. Based on the sounds, this was no ordinary shootout. Too many weapons for too long.  
 _An invasion!_ she thought, her second thought: _The Reapers! They’re here!_

At first she dashed towards the elevators at the Plaza to get a feel of the threat, but it was still distant and C-Sec was responding in force. There were no signs of the abominations yet, and no visible destruction to the structure. She hesitated, itching to get into the fight, but going over her options she reluctantly recognized that her top priority now was to secure the Council.

Udina was closest, and by the time she reached his office, he was already alert and on the comms.  
“Ah, Williams,” he said with a snarl. Ashley had to remind herself that this was just the way he spoke and not how he felt. “Glad you are here. It seems we are under attack.”  
“Reapers?”  
Udina shook his head. “No. Something else.”  
Ashley looked at him baffled but before she could ask the obvious question, there was an explosion nearby. She motioned him impatiently to come with her.  
“We need to get you and the Council to safety.”  
Udina hesitated, looking over his terminal and his omnitool before nodding.  
“Very well,” Udina muttered.

Ashley grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him along, weapon drawn, checking their surroundings as she lead them towards the Council chambers.

“Who the hell are they?” Ashley muttered as the sounds of battle continued.  
Udina tried to remain calm, his eyes darting around.  
“It sounded like… Cerberus.” he said and Ashley couldn’t decide if his tone was reluctant or incredulous.

Before they could discuss the subject, they reached the elevator leading to the Chambers, where a squad of C-Sec were already forming a defensive perimeter.

Things went quickly from there. Ashley took over the command and they went to find the other Counciors. Only the asari and the turian were in the chambers, while the salarian was nowhere to be found. Nobody knew where she was, she even sent away her security detail. Ashley found that more than suspicious but that was a problem for an other time.  
“Listen up,” Ashley said to the guards, but her gaze included the Councilors, too. “We need to get to a shuttle bay and secure the Councilors. Do you have any radio contact with C-Sec?”

One of the uniforms, a turian tapped his comm piece, and listened for a few seconds, nodding to Ashley.  
“Yes, Spectre. Comms are scarce, they are scrambling most frequencies. It seems it’s… it’s Cerberus. Took out the comms tower and took over C-Sec HQ.”

Ashley hissed, looking around with narrowed eyes, gritting her teeth nervously. It was quite the sudden change from following orders in the Alliance ranks to organizing a VIP security escort through unknown, invaded territory on her first day on the job.

“Fine,” she sighed, looking at the C-Sec squad, who were a bit disheveled by the surprise attack but after Sovereign, they were harder to shake up. “They are probably on the way here to grab the Council. Form a tight escort and follow my lead. We take a longer route to the shuttle station. Come on!”

They started their trek along the Presidium, avoiding the open spaces and the obvious paths, choosing to go through stores, offices and back alleys. It was close quarters, but the chances of surprise was lower, and it was at least familiar surroundings from her training.

They tried to raise Councilor Esheel on the comms, but neither her, nor her escort responded. She ordered one of the C-Sec guards to try to reach her every few minutes without giving away their position.

It was a long and nerve-wrecking trek through the Presidium, with panicking diplomats and civilians everywhere. They passed a few groups of people huddled in diners and offices. It felt like a warzone with the sounds of fighting growing louder as Ashley led her team further on, and she found herself excited, her trigger finger itching. She should have felt guilty about enjoying the danger, but this was what she was trained for.

They didn’t have to wait long for the first skirmish, a bunch of Cerberus troops bursting out of a passageway from the Wards. It was over quickly, only a sword-wielding biotic giving her a pause before cutting it down, the ridiculous, ancient weapon useless in tight spaces.

They radioed ahead, trying to rally some C-Sec units to secure their route to the shuttle dock, but the defenders were thrown into chaos. There was another group of Cerberus commandos engaged in battle with some trapped C-Sec at a security post. Ashley’s team caught them by surprise, hitting them from behind. The surviving C-Sec guards joined their ranks, giving Ashley more options to set up a front and rear guard.

And then, inevitably, they ran into a group that was too big and well-organized for them to handle. They quickly got themselves pinned down in a food court, and Ashley finally had to make the decision to leave C-Sec to hold the fort until she could slip out with the disheveled Councilors and one lonely turian C-Sec sergeant in tow.

It was a mess, and they were outgunned and outnumbered, but Ashley managed to cut a bloody path through their flank, to the great surprise of both Cerberus troops and the remaining C-Sec units with her efficiency. She lost half her men by the time they were clear, leaving the rest to almost certain death as they held up the chasing Cerberus team. The turian C-Sec officer fell before he made it into the elevator. It was only her now, and the Council.

This may be her biggest, and possibly her last act as a Spectre. And she didn’t even get to fight the Reapers–

There was a loud bang on the roof of the elevator as more than one set of feet landed on it. _This is it!_ Ashley thought as she shoved the councilors to the side and she started shooting through the roof to whoever was bold enough to still be there.

The elevator came to a halt at the shuttle dock level and as soon as the doors opened, Ashley shoved the councilors out, backing away from the shaft, checking over her shoulder to see if they were alone. At least she didn’t have to worry about getting shot in the back.

“Quick! Lock the elevators!” she barked to the Councilors as she saw the roof of the elevator car blasted in and dark figures dropping into the car. She peppered them with a burst from her gun just to keep them inside until the doors closed, but Udina wasn’t fast enough.

“What the–?” Ashley muttered as Shepard emerged from the smoke, flanked by Vega and Liara. Her mind racing, Ashley tried to connect the dots.

“Hey, Ash” Shepard said quietly, not lowering his gun. Ashley took a quick look around. She knew Garrus couldn’t be far behind. He was ex C-Sec and a permanent attachment to Shepard, especially now. He must be at a vantage point with a sniper rifle, she concluded.

“Hey, skipper. How’s it going?” she nodded, hesitant to lower her gun. Their eyes met, searching each other’s intentions, looking for signs. Shepard held her gaze.  
“It’s Udina, Ash. The salarian councilor has proof that he works for Cerberus.” 

There was an almost invisible nod, and a steady, determined gaze as Shepard tipped his gun downward, and Ashley knew. She smirked, allowing herself a chuckle as she lowered her gun and slowly turned around. She caught Shepard’s baffled frown. He was obviously prepared for a tough argument here, and he seemed just as surprised that it was this easy, than Ashley herself.

Hiding her confusion she stared at Udina, just like everybody else. He had a gun in his hand, and Ashley thought how stupid that was. There was a bang and Udina was down, clutching his mangled arm.

She felt a pat on her back.  
“Good job, Ash,” Shepard said softly as he trotted off to gather the Councilors while Vega approached Udina with his shotgun still trained on him.

Ashley shook her head, mostly to clear away the fog from her mind. And just like that it was over.

***

The mop-up was smooth and painless, the Cerberus troops retreated orderly, without too much fight – a smart move to cut their losses. The few who got pinned down commited suicide. 

Ashley did her part in a sort of a daze, going through the motions, organizing, searching, securing, but her thoughts were elsewhere.

Even Shepard noticed it and pulled her aside.  
“Ash? Everything all right?” he asked, one hand on her shoulder.  
Ashley shrugged and waved it off.  
“It’s fine, Shepard. It’s just exhaustion. This is my second day out of the hospital. I’m out of shape. I’ll be fine.”  
Shepard nodded and smiled at her, patting her shoulder.  
“You did well today, Spectre Williams. We’ve got it from here.”

She remained distracted for the rest of the day and only in her quarters, under the rush of hot water from the shower did she realize why: Shepard and she held each other at gunpoint, and it could have turned out very badly if she still had any doubts about Shepard’s loyalties. She shuddered, thinking about a standoff between the two human Spectres, Ashley not knowing for certain whether Shepard was still with Cerberus or not. Udina probably would have tried to fan the flames. It could have been ugly. Her heart beating faster she thought about how fortunate it was that she could talk to Miranda and get enough evidence–

Miranda Lawson. Ashley managed not to think about that woman for a few days now, ever since she felt like things were going well with Shepard. After that, she was too busy thinking about Udina’s offer to join the ranks of the Spectres, and trying to get out of the hospital as fast as possible.

And now, here she was, standing idly under the shower and Shepard reminded her of Lawson, and her cocky attitude at the beach, fashioning sleek sunglasses and strawberry blonde hair like she owned the place… Ashley hit the tap and switched off the hot water, gasping at the rush of cold water, blinking the water from her eyes, goosebumps forming on her skin.

She toweled down and climbed into bed, feeling sore and thoroughly exhausted after a long day. Still, she had to wonder– was it the plan all along? To arrange for Ashley to learn everything about Shepard just to make sure they got along well? Was it the plan? Was it a plan at all? And if yes, which one of them had the idea? Liara seemed pretty knowledgeable when she directed Ashley towards Miranda, twice. And the second time, Miranda was overly confident, showing off on a beach while on the run–

Ashley fell asleep with a frown on her face.

A few days later she walked Shepard to the Normandy and all was well. They discussed things just like in the old days… No, that was not true. They were equals now, or at least as equal as they could be.

They reached the gates and they both looked at the Normandy.  
“Are you sure you are not coming with us, Ash?” Shepard asked, looking back at her with his head tilted, smiling.

“I would love to, Shepard,” Ashley shook her head. “But two Spectres on one ship is a waste of resources. I’ll stay here and make sure things run smooth with the repairs. And find the moles… and beef up security...”  
Shepard nodded “It makes sense.”

“Besides, I need to get back into shape. I was lying around too much.” She nodded absently, running her gaze along the docks before returning to Shepard and looking him in the eyes. “But I will be there if you need me, Shepard. Whenever you hit something big enough, you can count on me.”

Shepard grinned and saluted to her.   
“Good luck, Spectre Williams.”  
Ashley returned the salute. “Good hunting, Shepard.”  
He shot one more warm, encouraging glance at her and then he was off, Garrus and Vega waiting for him at the hatch.

Ashley suddenly felt alone again, but this time she didn’t mind. It was all good. She watched the Normandy lock down and disengage from the docks, and for a while she followed the ship as it shrunk away between the gigantic arms of the Citadel.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashley needs to talk to Miranda again.

Ashley found herself in a philosophical mood as she made her rounds, checking in with C-Sec about the recruitment and security measures, then on to the comm towers, taking her time, strolling leisurely on the wide avenues and walkways through strangely deserted neighborhoods with a lot of damage and nervous denizens, listening to C-Sec and repair crew reports and giving instructions. 

And between two stops, she was musing about the incredible set of circumstances that lead her here. Every time she entertained some conspiracy theory or another, eventually her thoughts returned to Miranda Lawson, her bikini-clad curves, and that cocky smile popping into her mind. And then those awkward moments when she took her to that motel room and took care of her injuries–

Ashley tried to brush those thoughts away, until she left the air traffic control and on her way to the Spectre offices she took a passing glance at one of the hospitals, bridging over the Citadelscape. And then it suddenly hit her.

Her steps faltered. She spun around, picked up her pace and almost ran by the time she got to the Spectre offices. She sat down in front of her assigned terminal and accessed the surveillance feeds. One of the perks of being a Spectre was that she had clearance to tap into the Citadel’s networks. Cerberus was smart enough to take out all cameras during their attack and many of them were not up yet, but Ashley wasn’t interested in that.

She accessed the camera feeds of the Huerta Memorial Hospital and vicinity, and started to go through the footage around the time she was admitted there. She settled in for a long shift, grabbing some food and drinks and fast forwarded to every instance when there was movement in her room.

It was weird to see herself on the cameras, battered and bruised, pulled out for surgery and then back in, tubes sticking out of her, and doctors standing around her. She worked her way backwards in time, and after a couple of hours of multiple angle footage, she thought she saw something.

A nurse was standing at her bed, doing nothing, just watching her for a bit. It was hard to tell who she was, but she was not doing the usual checkups and chores. Later she caught the same nurse using an omnitool, and she knew she found something. It was too sophisticated and unnecessary for administering doses or checking the readouts. It looked like it belonged to a doctor. Or…

 _There she is!_ Ashley sat up suddenly, freezing the frame as she felt her heart beat faster. It was her all right. She would recognize that shape anywhere. She blushed a bit from the excitement as she played the recording. Lawson was adjusting something on Ashley’s datasheet. Tweaking the dosages probably.

Ashley looked for recognizable markers and set them into the search filter so she could run a recognition on all the footage from that point on back, until she was admitted to the hospital. She waited until the program compiled all the footage from her room and the nurses’ reception where it was most likely Lawson would also appear. It seemingly took _forever_.

She sent the recordings to her omnitool and then wiped her search clean, but not before grabbing a good enough image and setting it onto a personal watchlist under a generic “person of interest” tag. The Spectre infrastructure was supposed to be very secure but she didn’t want to take a risk and put Miranda in more danger. The system would alert Ashley if it recognizes her face on the Citadel.

All the way back to her quarters, she could not stop thinking about those short segments that she watched before, the way Miranda was checking up on her. She went to a lot of trouble to get into the hospital and get close to her. Not to mention actually fixing her up.

It made Ashley’s heart beat faster. Why did she do that? What was her goal? What did she get out of it? Why…? She shook her head to clear her mind. The only thing she knew for certain, that her suspicions were correct: the doctors’ confusion was due to Miranda’s meddling, who probably fixed her better than the hospital could have done. Ashley guessed that after putting Shepard back together, fixing her was a piece of cake. She didn’t know how to feel about that, or Miranda Lawson for that matter. She just wanted to get home and watch the videos to know more.

***

The next few days Ashley watched the recordings over and over again, whenever she had the chance. She tried very hard to prevent it from affecting her job as she supervised the repairs and helped beef up security, but she found it difficult and distracting. _Like a smitten teenager,_ she chided herself time and time again, the thought gradually becoming more and more embarrassing, making her nervous whenever the thought of Miranda Lawson on those videos drifted into her thoughts. She even had favorite moments that she watched frequently.

She had to admit, Lawson was pretty good at avoiding surveillance. The best shots Ashley could get of her were in the hospital, but the ex-Cerberus spy was almost impossible to spot on video feeds outside of Huerta.

Ashley was tempted to go through more footage to catch where she could have been staying or how she came and went to and from the Citadel, but that would have been an impossible task, and not something that could have gone under the radar. No matter how desperately Ashley wanted to find out more about Miranda, she did not want to risk drawing attention to her from anybody, who was also looking for her, for more nefarious purposes. 

Given her history with Shepard’s trial, she was also reluctant to access the Normandy files to learn about the elusive woman while she was the XO of the ship. She just had to wait until Shepard popped up at the Citadel again and try to strike up a conversation about those times somehow.

Whenever she got to this line of thought she moaned in desperation and buried her head in her palms or slam her head against her desk, or turn up the cold water in the shower. 

_I’m pathetic,_ she declared to herself more than once. She was producing all the classic signs of a bad crush, a platonic one at that, thinking herself awkward and stupid to have a chance with the object of her desire. Which was absurd, considering that she was convinced it was not in any way an affection, more like a need for closure.

It also didn’t help when her preset alerts went up and flagged a potential hit on the facial recognition scripts that she set up. Every time she went to the Spectre’s office, heart racing and hoping it was a false flag, because if it was real, she would have to do something about it.

After a dozen or so alerts, the inevitable happened: she positively identified Miranda in one of the cameras outside the Presidium. She still could not catch when and where she landed and how she snuck past customs.

Not that it mattered. Ashley wanted to meet her, just to get these weeks of anxiety behind her. Even if she makes a complete fool out of herself, at least it would be over. She was sure if she could just have a brief chat with her, it would be easier to move on.

The thought of it made her nervous, and in predictable fashion, she played the scenario over and over in her head. Sitting in front of the monitors, virtually stalking Miranda Lawson she groaned again. _I’m practically a dude!_

This had to end.

Finding her was not going to be easy, though. Ashley scheduled her daily tasks to be able to strategically linger around places where there was a chance she could spot her. It turned out she didn’t have much patience for that.

She was considering reaching out to Liara again, but before she would have had to come up with some awkward reason for the call, she learned that the Normandy just docked at the Citadel. This was a relief, and Ashley pondered if she should just sit down and have a talk with Shepard, find out more about Lawson for starters and then see where it goes. She suspected that to get to more personal topics, one talk wouldn’t be enough and besides, before even she could talk to anybody about anything, first she would need to find out what was her problem exactly.

No way to put off that meeting with Miranda Lawson.

She made her way to the Spectre offices to run into Shepard, knowing he would make a stop there to check on his classified messages. Before Ashley could ask for anything, Shepard stopped her.  
“Can this wait?” Shepard said. “I have to meet with someone.”  
“I can walk you there, we could talk in the meantime,” offered Ashley.  
Shepard grimaced and shook his head.  
“No can do. She is… on the run from a couple of shady characters. I don’t want to blow her cover.”

Ashley tried to remain nonchalant. _She? That’s interesting._  
“Uh, sure. How about a coffee later in the Presidium?” Ashley said.

Shepard nodded.  
“That’s perfect. I will call you, when I’m done.”

Ashley smiled and nodded, too and Shepard was off. He had no reason not to trust Ashley, otherwise he wouldn’t have said even this much about whom he was meeting with. And the only reason he did not actually reveal Miranda’s identity to Ashley was probably plausible deniability. Shepard might have trusted Ashley to keep a secret, but if Ash didn’t know, she didn’t have to lie to the Alliance brass if anybody asked.

And Ashley could follow Shepard from a safe distance without compromising their meeting. She sat back in front of her terminal and followed Shepard through the monitors, feeling a bit dirty and slightly crazy, much like a proper stalker.

She followed Shepard on the cameras until she lost him in one of the blind spots and never saw him emerge anywhere else. That gave her a pretty good idea where the meeting was taking place.

Only when arriving in the area and looking for a spot to keep an eye on the area did she consider that maybe there was more to this clandestine meeting than official business… after all, they served on the Normandy together and Lawson was his XO, and they actually went to hell and back together.

Ashley immediately felt her cheeks burning and her pulse rising at the thought that Shepard and Lawson were having an affair. She did not get the vibe before that there was something between them, but then again, she wasn’t really looking. And wasn’t Shepard still involved with Liara somehow? Were there signs? How about from Miranda? Was she interested in Ashley at all? Like back on Earth– was Lawson signaling to her or was she just being coy? _This is stupid! She probably doesn’t even feel anything for you!_

It was a miserable stakeout that dragged on too long, her doubts increasing every minute Shepard and Lawson were “talking”, somewhere in the vicinity.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, she spotted Shepard leaving one of the high-end apartment buildings. She started to watch the windows and terraces for any signs of Miranda looking out the window, checking if the coast was clear.

Ashley was straining her eyes, looking for clues, her pulse rising again. She was almost as excited and nervous as before a battle.

_There! That window!_

She waited a few more seconds until Shepard was out of sight and started to move towards the building, keeping one eye on the windows. There was that movement again, and she could only hope she did not spook Miranda off. In any case, as soon as she was in the cover of the building she started to hurry.

As she reached the floor she slowed down, her heart beating faster as she once again went through all the possible scenarios in her head. She calmed herself down enough that by the time she reached the door, she was more or less collected.

She was about to tap the signal button on the door, when it hissed open, no doubt activated from the inside and there stood Miranda Lawson, in the flesh.

“Ah, Commander Williams. To what do I owe the pleasure?” she said, in an unreasonably good mood.  
“How did you–?” she started and then realized. “You saw me crossing the street.”

Miranda nodded and motioned her to get inside. She seemed excited. Was it because she _was_ having an affair with Shepard and she was just glowing after a quick romp? Or was she glad to see Ash? But why would she be?   
_Stop it!_ she chided herself.

“Does Shepard know you are stalking him, Commander?” Lawson asked, walking to the window of the living room and poured herself a glass of expensive brandy. She raised an eyebrow asking Ashley silently if she wanted one, the bottle hovering over an empty glass. “You still don’t trust him?”

Ashley shook her head at first, then decided she _did_ need a stiff drink. She nodded at the offer.

“Should I have a reason not to?” she managed, buying herself some time while trying to find a way to get to her point.  
Miranda shrugged, pouring a second glass of brandy and holding it out for her.  
“I asked him for a favour that can be mutually beneficial. It is concerning Cerberus activities. Is that a satisfactory answer?” Lawson asked over the rim of her glass, cocking a half-smile at Ashley before sipping into the expensive-smelling drink.

Ashley frowned, downing her glass in one big gulp. She hardly had any reason to question their motives. She let out a soft sigh as the brandy slid down her throat smoothly, leaving a pleasant burning sensation.

“Actually, that’s not why I’m here,” she said in a raspy voice as the aftertaste hit, managing a serious expression and somehow tore her gaze away from Lawson’s amused expression, and those piercing, blue eyes.  
“Oh?”  
“Yes. I wanted to–to thank you. For what you did.”

Miranda raised a curious eyebrow, the smile not leaving her lips. She took Ashley’s empty glass. Ashley could tell she was not trying to amuse herself and have fun at Ashley’s expense. Whatever favor Lawson asked from Shepard put her in a generous mood and must have decided not to be smug. She stood with the glasses in hand and pondered for a second.  
“The vids about the Collector Base?” Miranda waved, shrugging it away unassumingly. “I might have had selfish reasons at first, but in the end you deserved to know what happened. There’s really no need to–”

“Not that!” Ashley snapped. She didn’t want to sound so impatient, but she was nervous and wanted to get to the point.

Miranda frowned, eyeing her suspiciously.  
“The hospital,” Ashley blurted out. “I figured it out.”  
“Oh, that” Lawson said, putting the glasses down absently, and looking away. Ashley couldn’t decide if she was nervous that she got careless or embarrassed that she was caught doing something nice for somebody. “I am glad you made a full recovery.”

Ashley felt like her head would explode, trying to decode the woman’s body language, but she was really bad at this. She was used to marines and civilians, not the finer points of non-verbal communication. This was not a combat situation. With her heart beating in her throat, she took the chance and seeing the opening, she stepped closer.

Lawson looked back at her warily, and this time it was evident even for Ashley that she was trying to play it down.  
“Well, I was in the neighborhood and thought it would be a waste–“ Miranda said, trying to sound nonchalant, but before she could finish, Ashley touched her arm and planted a kiss on her lips.

She just couldn’t wait any longer. That tiny hesitation and faux calmness was enough. She was so wound up for a while now, watching every little vibe and gesture and she had so much time to think about every little detail, that she felt if she waited any longer she will go crazy.

That first touch was electric, her lips soft, setting off a spark that made Ashley’s chest almost burst, all that tension releasing, endorphins flooding her system. Whatever happened next, Ashley felt she could handle it. It was liberating, and she was already preparing to apologise.   
_I can’t believe I’m actually doing this!_

She could feel Miranda tensing up in surprise and pulled away, putting her hands gently on Ashley’s shoulder.  
“What are you doing?” she asked, more baffled than shocked, shaking her head in confusion as if trying to prevent Ashley from doing something stupid.

Ashley felt much more confident, and the fact that Lawson did not freak out or slam her into the wall with a biotic blast was at least promising. She spoke quietly.   
“It seems I owe you my life,” Ashley whispered, her eyes flashing. She locked her gaze with Miranda’s.

Miranda seemed to have blushed a bit as she almost tore her gaze away. There was that fraction of a second again, when she hesitated, before her lips twitched into a smile.  
“I see.”

Ashley nodded, but did not pull away, keeping the pressure of Miranda’s hands on her shoulder.  
“I checked the camera feeds,” she said in a confessional, eager tone. “I figured it out.” She repeated like it was the most important thing. “I found you.”

Her heart was still racing, and there was still that tingle in her chest, but it was at least bearable. Maybe one more kiss and it will go away. Just to let her know how much it meant to her.  
“Thank you,” she whispered and seeing Miranda’s hesitation, she kissed her again. This time she closed her eyes, savoring the taste and the softness while she could, before Lawson pulled away.

Miranda did not pull away, at least not for a little while. Finally she took a small step back, just to be able to look into Ashley’s face again.  
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Miranda asked quietly.  
“Yes.” She paused. “No.”  
Miranda laughed. “Obviously, you went to a lot of trouble to get here,” she said, her eyes searching Ashley’s face. “You are risking a lot with–” she didn’t finish the thought but from her nervous gesture it was clear she was thinking it through.

“So did you,” Ashley said with a faint smile. “Risking getting caught at the hospital–” she did not need to finish either, just shook her head.

Miranda returned her smile, relaxing a little and shrugged.  
“Maybe I had selfish reasons, too…”  
“Really?”

“Maybe so you could put in a good word for me,” she said, but she didn’t sound too convincing. Her hand went back to Ashley’s shoulder as if she still needed to keep her at bay.

Ashley nodded, but her smirk told Miranda she didn’t really believe it either.  
“I thought we established it back on Earth how that wouldn’t work.”  
Miranda smiled and nodded.  
“Yes. Yes we did–“

They stood there for long seconds, quietly searching each other’s face, both of them following their train of thought about the events since they met. That embrace that felt awkward when Ashley lifted Miranda up from the ground, almost intimate… The closeness they shared while they were the most wary about each other… The doubts and suspicions, the talk they had the next day, neither of them feeling the need to lie to the other… That pale, lean, bruised ribs, when Ashley applied medigel… Ashley’s gentle touch on Miranda’s bruises… Seeing Ashley’s well-toned, fit form on the beach, so strong and yet so confused… And Miranda in the sun, blonde, all-curves and rocking hips– 

They kissed, this time both of them into it, hands wrapping around the back of a head, fingers slipping into dark locks of hair, loud exhales through their noses, wet smacks of lips, thirsty mouths drinking each other’s taste. The tension made them moan, the release overwhelming as they stumbled towards the couch.

They fell on it, Ashley ending up on top, pinning Miranda down, and for a few minutes, their hands just roamed over each others backs, hips, waist, neck, exploring, lips locked.

When they surfaced for air, panting softly, they fumbled to get each other’s jacket off, Ashley too eager to help. Soon she was in her tank top and Miranda was in her black, lacy bra that highlighted the fullness of her breasts, her chest heaving from the excitement.

Their eyes met for a second, a soft smile on Miranda’s lips, Ashley letting out an appreciative grunt. Miranda peeled herself out completely from her top and reached out a gentle hand towards Ashley, who seemed to hesitate for a second, staring at Miranda with wide eyes that showed her turmoil.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Ashley said, laughing incredulously. _Except that this is really happening!_  
“It’s okay,” Miranda whispered and pulled her down into another kiss.

Her fingers ran over firm shoulders and back muscles, slipping under Ashley’s tank top. She started tugging it upwards, feeling the bump and stretch as she reached Ashley’s breast, while still tangled in kisses and noses rubbing together. They barely parted lips until the tank top was off, slipping over Ashley’s head.

They slowly slid down the couch, Miranda lying on her back, tugging down her pants while keeping their lips busy, reveling in each other’s taste, exploring jawlines, warm curves of neck, soft earlobes to nibble. They both felt awkward but excited, swimming in a cloud, a little bit dizzy.

They slipped out of their pants, the panties going with them, taking a break to look at each other again. Ashley was lying on top of Miranda, her cheeks flushed from the excitement, looking like she still didn’t believe it was all happening . She certainly did not plan this, she didn’t even know she wanted it, not to mention thinking about getting this far.

Miranda looked up at her with that soft smile still on her lips, her eyes glinting, her breath quicker now, making her chest rise and fall. She waited for Ashley patiently, sensing her nervousness. She took one hand and gently guided it to her breast. She felt Ashley’s grip tighten and watched her chest rise as they both seemed to take a deep breath at the same time.

Ashley was still overwhelmed by the sensation of their naked bodies touching, the shape of Miranda’s breast under her palm, and Miranda felt she needed a little encouragement. She squirmed under her until she trapped Ashley’s thigh between her legs and gently ground her smooth lap against her. It was an incredible feeling, that warm, soft, hairless mound pressing into her thigh muscles, almost kissing, leaving a little dampness on her skin.

Breathing softly, Miranda looked up into her eyes and held Ashley’s wrist as she kneaded her breast, twitching now and then with a quiet gasp if Ash was too eager. Their faces inches from each other, they stared at each other, watching for little signals, both flushed with excitement, asking, confirming, begging.

Ashley pressed back against Miranda, pinning her to the couch, rocking their bodies slowly, lost in that blue gaze. She felt a warm hand caress her waist, Miranda guiding her with the slightest touches, cupping the curve of her firm ass and gently pressing down on it, to nudge her hip into rocking harder and gasping softly when the pressure was right. She felt Miranda’s warm, smooth thigh under her own damp folds.

Still holding Ashley’s gaze, her cheeks blushing and panting excitedly, Miranda guided Ashley’s hand slowly downwards from her breast, along her flat belly. Her body felt hot, her heavy breathing transferring to her abdomen rising and falling, and suddenly Ashley’s hands were cupping that smooth mound, moist along her cleft. Miranda made a small noise, her eyes giving her permission, or asking needily, Ashley couldn’t tell, and the marine curled her fingers to part those smooth folds. Her fingertips poked inside, rubbing and searching for that delicate spot.

Ashley didn’t need more encouragement, she knew what she wanted to do from there, finding Miranda’s clit and pressing down on it, drawing rough circles around it and feeling the other woman’s hips buckle against her hand, her legs squeezing Ashley’s thigh.

Miranda finally broke eye-contact, when Ashley worked her up enough to close her eyes and moan out in pleasure, faster and louder. Her voice, which used to annoy Ashley, now sounded like a song, sending shivers down her spine, her own pleasure rising from the sound she was able to trigger from Miranda.

And then Miranda grabbed the back of her head and pulled her down to her chest, leaving Ashley to grope for her breast with a hungry mouth, kissing her full flesh and eventually zeroing in on her hard nipples. Her two fingers slipped inside Miranda’s sex on her rich, slippery juices and at the same time she sucked down on her breast.

Miranda soon jerked under her, crying out in pleasure and climaxed in a withering, snaking orgasm, her sex quivering around Ashley’s wet finger. She could even feel her pleasure through her breast, as if her flesh hardened up and tremors were travelling between her throbbing sex and her quivering nipple.

She realized she was moaning into Miranda’s delicious breast, and she was grinding her own crotch against her thigh the whole time. She was close, but not there yet, enjoying the weakening aftershocks and her fingers still rubbing Miranda’s soaked folds.

It took a while until Miranda opened her eyes again and looked at Ashley with a fresh sparkle in her blue eyes. Ashley returned her gaze with an awkward smile.

“I appreciate the way you– expressed your gratitude,” Miranda said, her voice still husky as she shuffled, nudging Ashley to lie down so she could slowly slide halfway on her.

Ashley managed to blush a bit, one hand resting on Miranda’s hip, the other hovering tentatively on the small of her back, hesitating to slide down over the delicate curve of the other woman’s round ass.  
“I didn’t… plan this,” she echoed her earlier thought, making Miranda laugh and slip a warm thigh over her sex, nudging it between her legs to gently press it against her damp mound.

“Nevertheless…” Miranda said, a hand absently running down to Ashley’s abdomen, running her fingertips appreciatively over her firm muscles, “I believe I also owe you.”

She pressed her leg firmly against Ashley’s lap, and she could feel Miranda’s folds kiss her thighs again, smearing some moisture on her skin.

It was Ashley’s turn to blurt out an “Oh,” as Miranda snaked over her, lying on top, straddling her thighs, resting an arm across her belly, and looking curiously at Ashley.  
“I have to admit, you surprised me. With your advance,” she said amused, her lips brushing over the marine’s ribs, nibbling absently while she spoke. “I never thought you were– interested.”

“Neither did I,” Ashley chuckled nervously, stroking Miranda’s shoulder absently.

Miranda raised an eyebrow curiously. “Really? So this–” she left the thought hanging in the air.

It could have become awkward, Ashley already feeling a bit self-conscious, and Miranda could have found it much more amusing than she let it show. In the end, however, she must have realized what it meant and she didn’t linger over the idea.

There was that charging of the air again between them, a few seconds when time seemed to slow down and Ashley secretly hoped that even if it would be just a spur-of-the-moment affair, that it meant at least a little bit more for both of them and that was what made Miranda ponder.

It seemed that the ex-Cerberus operative had something similar run through her mind because she suddenly looked away, taking a deep breath with closed eyes and when she looked up again, she was smiling.

“Well then, let me express my–” she didn’t finish again, and started to kiss her way down Ashley’s torso, making her muscles twitch at the tickling, soft touches of those full lips, and the hard nipples rubbing down her hips and thighs, that almost felt like scratching Ashley’s skin.

Soon she slithered between Ashley’s thighs, one hand still on her abs, nails gently digging into her skin, the other helping to keep her legs apart, and she actually brushed her cheek against Ashley’s neatly trimmed bush with a smile before her lips sunk behind the curve of her mound.

Ashley watched with eager eyes, her hand tangled in Miranda’s hair and then she suddenly gripped tighter as a tongue glided along her cleft, leaving a warm, moist trail and ran over the folds hiding her clit. She let out a loud gasp, her muscles tensing that seemed to excite Miranda, too, because her nails dug harder into Ashley’s belly and squeezed her firm thigh.

Miranda looked up at her with eyes flashing, her nose buried in her bush, then closed her eyes as she moaned into Ashley’s pussy, her voice vibrating into her flesh. Ashley’s hips started to buckle as the other woman’s tongue lapped and licked its way under the hood of her clit and the tip poked her most sensitive part, triggering fresh gasps and moans from the marine.

It was hard to stay still, and Ashley gave it up fast, her body involuntarily twitching as Miranda wanted it, and every time she tensed up, the woman moaned again, raking her nails gently over Ashley’s firm belly.

Ashley eventually threw her head back and surrendered to the tingling, warm waves that radiated from her throbbing sex, Miranda’s tongue parting her folds and gliding on her pleasure, licking up her taste, her eager tongue now poking at her entrance.

“Huhhh, f-fuck–” was all Ashley could gasp out, thinking for a fleeting second, how easily and smoothly Miranda drove her towards her building pleasure, no doubt not her first time, which was good. It meant– it didn’t matter what it meant, the thought blown away as she came, her body twitching and her juices dripping as Miranda was making out with her folds. She realized she was crying out her pleasure loudly, no doubt the rest of her pent up tension releasing with her orgasm. 

It was not over for a while, Miranda’s hands working her thigh and crawling towards her breast, pinching her nipple, licking and caressing her through her high, stretching it out an extra minute or so until she collapsed with a loud sigh, trembling softly. As her mind cleared, she realized that her heel was pressing into Miranda’s back and she was still gripping her hair. She looked down and tried to focus on the other woman’s face and was relieved to see amusement and a sultry smile on Miranda’s face as she licked her lips and smacked loudly.

Eventually, Miranda nibbled her way back to Ashley’s breasts and then kissed her hungrily before Ashley could pull away. She tasted herself on the woman’s lips which was an odd sensation, making her throbbing sex tingle again. Compensating for her needy grip on Miranda before, she wrapped her in her arms and slipped her off of her until they were facing each other on their sides, arms and legs tangled into each other, cooling down together, exchanging warm and nervous and curious glances.

Ashley felt light-headed and relaxed, probably the first time since… well, a long time, but at least since the Reapers appeared, or even before, when Shepard returned to Earth. She knew this was probably the only time they got to do this, but she didn’t mind. It was a gamble to begin with, discovering her attraction and acting on it not even knowing if Lawson was open to it, hoping that in the worst case, she would take Ashley’s kiss as a clumsy gesture of gratitude. It pleasantly surprised her that not only was Miranda not repulsed, but she took it to the next level, which was not even in Ashley’s plan as she reminded herself again.

Miranda also seemed more experienced in this, which was a relief and at the same time, awkward for Ashley. She appreciated how Miranda managed to guide her through it without making it more embarrassing for Ash. It could also mean, that Miranda treated this as a one-off, a fling to let off some steam, something to ease the depression of the Reaper invasion.

Ashley didn’t even know if she wanted more, or was it just the high of the first time that made her wish they would keep doing this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to take a shower and talk.

The silence grew long between them as they lay on the couch, searching each other’s gaze, waiting for one of them to gather their thoughts.  
“I-I could help, too, you know,” Ashley offered hesitantly.  
Miranda propped herself up on her elbow to look at her more easily, smiling curiously again.  
“Why would you do that?”

“I don’t know– because… what kind of question is that?” Ashley asked baffled, shrugging as she slipped a hand under her head.  
“It is safer for both of us, if you are not involved–”

“Please,” Ashley snorted. “You are running from every authority in Citadel Space–”  
“--Two of which you yourself represent, Ashley,” Miranda said with a sad smile, resting her hand on the marine’s chest. “If word of this–” she looked around the room to signal what just happened, “--gets out, you’ll be back where you started from.”

Ashley blinked, realizing that this was the first time that Miranda used her first name. That didn’t stop her from rolling her eyes.  
“Yeah, and Shepard won’t be.”

“He is almost untouchable. After taking the heat for– how did they spin it? ‘Commandeering a Cerberus vessel’ and got vindicated, they can’t really harm him any more. But you…” she shook her head. “Everybody tries to keep you clean, so that you can do your job. You were fortunate that you managed to save the Council, so the other races don’t lump you in with the ‘human terrorists’.”

“Luck has nothing to do with it!” Ashley exclaimed, taking Miranda’s hand on her chest, her voice passionate as she lifted herself up a bit, grabbing the other woman’s shoulder eagerly. Miranda looked at her hands a bit cautiously, just like the last time Ashley raised her voice. But Ashley was speaking warmly, a faint smile slowly forming on her lips. “It was you!”

Miranda frowned. “How–? What are you talking about?”

“Don’t you get it? Oh. Right. You couldn’t have known–” Ashley muttered, quickly shaking her head as she realized she was rambling. She took a deep, impatient breath, wanting to blurt it all out at once. “There was a standoff. I was escorting the Council and I thought it was Cerberus coming through the door. Except it was Shepard.”

She sat up, making Miranda rise with her until they were sitting next to each other, their faces closer, Ashley’s eyes sparkling again.  
“We had our guns pointed at each other. Shepard said Udina was the mole. And I believed him!”  
“Okay–?” Miranda injected, baffled.

“Those vids you gave me. Without those I wouldn’t have believed it that Shepard was not under Cerberus influence. If I were still doubting him– One of us could have been killed on that platform.” she shook her head, and looked at Miranda again. “That’s when I started to realize it was _you!_ ”

Miranda’s eyes widened as she filled in the gaps in Ashley’s rambling explanation. She shifted in her seat, a thoughtful expression on her face.  
“I-I see…”  
“And then I figured out what happened at the hospital,” Ashley thought back, chuckling at the memory now. “You should have seen the faces of the doctors. They had this expression on their face, like ‘are you sure you are not dying?’”

Miranda laughed at that, amused at the mental picture, and quite proud of herself. She absently pulled up one knee to rest her chin on as her mind processed the information, and Ashley thought she looked beautiful.  
“And– I just couldn’t stop. You know. Thinking about– about you ever since,” Ashley added quietly, tearing her gaze away from her.

She missed Miranda’s surprised gaze and her blushing.   
“Oh,” she said and pulled up her other leg self-consciously. 

Ashley felt that by saying this out loud, that nagging in her chest was finally gone. She managed to put her feelings into words and that was what she really needed. To explain it to herself, too.

She looked back at Miranda and noticed the change in her demeanor, and if she read her right this time, it could have been some regret or embarrassment, a realization that Ashley might be more serious about this moment they shared than she was. Her heart sank a little, feeling a pang of disappointment. Then again, they shouldn’t even have gotten this far, so she couldn’t really blame Miranda for thinking this was more than a bit of stress relief.

Taking a deep breath she reluctantly decided to move on and not push it, afraid that Miranda might completely shut her out.  
“I could grant you immunity. I’m a Spectre now, I can make you an informant or something… I don’t know.”

Miranda tilted her head and let out a sigh, shaking her head.  
“You wouldn’t say this to me if we didn’t–”   
Ashley sighed, trying to protest, and a little bit hurt, ready to argue, but she realized that Miranda was simply drawing the logical conclusion. She was too smart to sugar-coat it once she pieced it together. She was blunt, but she was right.

“Still. Anything to get back at Cerberus. You know, you should be out helping Shepard. He… _we_ could use you.”

Miranda shifted, smiling sadly at Ashley, putting a hand on her arm as she got ready to stand up.  
“I can’t. Not now, at least. I have to– take care of something first. And with Shepard’s help, I may be able to do get this over with.”

Ashley nodded and watched absently as Miranda folded herself out and stood gracefully.  
“I am going to take a shower,” she said, strolling towards the bathroom, and Ashley couldn’t keep her eyes off her swaying hips.

Miranda looked back from the door, and must have seen something on Ashley’s face that made her laugh softly.  
“Join me?” she asked with her head tilted to the side, leaving the invitation open as she turned away and disappeared into the bathroom.

Ashley grimaced and shook her head dismissively at her own cluelessness, before taking a deep breath and walking after Miranda.

She was already under the rushing water, rubbing something spicy and sweet scented into her hair, and it took all of Ashley’s concentration to tear her gaze away from her swaying breasts. She frowned, trying to keep a straight face and stepped into the shower, shaking her head when Miranda offered the shampoo bottle to her. She had the presence of mind to know it would raise question if she ran into Shepard later and she smelled like Miranda. 

Ashley was used to public showers, especially on the field, where they rarely had the luxury of privacy, not to mention gender separation. Seeing naked men and women rubbing themselves off from the dust of the day in the communal showers had no effect on her. And yet, she couldn’t keep her eyes off those curves, accented by rivulets of water trickling down on smooth skin.

Ashley was quite happy with her own shape and endowments, but she couldn’t help thinking, _how can somebody look this perfect?_ And be smart at the same time. You don’t get to be number two in the Illusive Man’s organization if you didn’t have the brains. After all, she did put Shepard back together. Ashley was still envious of the fact that by now, Miranda must have been more familiar with Shepard than she was, and probably served under him longer. _Stop thinking about Shepard! And quit staring!_

Miranda watched her curiously as she rinsed herself off, brushing her hair from her forehead. Ashley realized that the other woman was watching her, too, while she absently washed her chest and neck.

They reached out at the same time, freezing inches from each other’s faces, Miranda chuckling nervously. She lifted her head a little with a playful glint in her eyes, offering her cheeks for closer examination.

Ashley was lost in the sight, finally forcing herself to move, brush an unruly lock of dark hair from Miranda’s face and pecking a small kiss on her lips before pulling back. She had to wipe off her brow to clear the water from her eyes, feeling Miranda’s warm touch as she helped her, combing Ashley’s hair back.

Tiny, nervous touches, warmer than the water, goosebumps forming on her skin. Another kiss, met halfway by this woman whose effect on her Ashley could not explain. Her world was upturned so many times since this whole madness started, but never like this. Quick romps with friends with benefits on shore leaves were always safe and reliable things in her life, and she– Miranda took that away from her as well. It was so good, she already felt the warmth rising in her chest again.

This time, the kisses were small, quick and curious, not a desperate attempt to ease the tension, but to slowly build up another kind. She pressed on, Miranda letting her force her lips open, welcoming Ashley’s tongue to explore.

Their wet bodies soon clung together, hands on shoulders, roaming each other’s back, holding onto each other’s shoulder. Firm nipples pressed against flesh, tickling the skin, Ashley eagerly parting Miranda’s thighs with her knee.

She pressed the ex-Cerberus agent against the wall, making her gasp. She may have been too eager, so she pulled back to check, the water engulfing her for a few seconds. Through the rush of water she blinked to focus on the other woman’s face, catching an encouraging nod and a flash of a smile, so she dived back in, pinning Miranda down with her thigh pressing her lap to the wall. There was another gasp, more eager this time and Ashley felt slender arms wrapping around her neck, clinging, breasts mashed together, wet skin rubbing on each other.

The hot water tickled Ashley’s back, feeling like tiny nails poking. And then it was really nails, Miranda’s fingers raking along her back, making her back arch, and then a firm grip on her ass so she clenched her muscles, jerking her hip. That elicited another moan from Miranda, who held her grip as she squirmed between Ashley and the wall and the marine realized the woman was guiding her, asking her to press harder, do more.

Ashley didn’t stop to ponder on it, even being awkward and nervous about it was exciting, partly because it felt so fresh and hot as Miranda clung onto her. She pushed her leg upwards, triggering another gasp as she lifted Miranda on her tiptoes, crushing her folds between her pelvis and Ashley’s firm thighs.

This way Miranda was now as tall as Ashley, with her full, wet lips readily available, her hot breath caressing Ashley’s cheeks. They were kissing again, rougher this time, Miranda’s lips teasing her to invade, her damp folds massaging and kissing Ashley’s thigh with the same eagerness.

She felt Miranda’s other hand on her arm, gripping her bicep, to help rock herself on the marine’s leg, and it slowly started to dawn on Ashley what she was doing. She wasn’t unfamiliar with these kind of needy gropes, only it was usually her doing it to athletic partners during her occasional affairs.

Ashley could feel the pressure build up in her own sex, the familiar warmth and the moisture that was definitely not from the shower. The thought of her muscles turning Miranda on was working for her as well, a delirious feedback that made her bite down into the nape of the other woman’s neck, and a greedy grip for her lush breasts, growling into Miranda’s hair, her fingers sinking into that glorious orb, the hard nipple tickling her palm.

Miranda jolted again, grabbing for Ashley’s wrist, who pulled back again, cursing her clumsiness. But the ex-Cerberus agent just looked at her again, her full lips curling upwards, white teeth pinching her lower lip and she merely adjusted Ashley’s grip and squeezed her wrist, pushing her chest into her palm.

Ashley rolled her eyes and groaned in delight and felt a bit of a relief. She knew her own strength, but being too eager when the body under her touch was so delicate and responsive threw her off, only to find out she wasn’t actually too strong and she wasn’t actually too fragile.

She found the right grip and squeezed again, this time letting Miranda’s delighted hisses to be her guide, feeling how it made her tighten up, squeeze her leg, grind her moist sex against her, sink her nails into Ashley’s clenched ass and how she gripped her hair to hold onto her. Or maybe to work her up more. Or to finally take care of her other breast, the one she did not squeeze out of shape, bulging her nipple out, the one that swayed gently as Ashley ground back against her.

So Ashley lifted her knee firmly, lifting Miranda off the floor, making the woman whimper in delight, wrapping a foot around Ashley’s waist, twisting her shoulder to slip her breast against the marine’s lips. By this time, she felt she was dripping, too, rubbing her mound back against the other woman’s leg, pinching a nipple between her teeth and panting hot whiffs of air against wet skin.

It didn’t take too long from there to reach their climax, Miranda going first, bouncing wildly from Ashley’s hard thrusts. She cried out and spasmed on Ashley’s leg, her chest heaving and rubbing against Ashley’s face, so intensely that the marine had to let go of the firm little nub she was nibbling to avoid drawing blood. The warmth spreading on her thigh, swollen, soft folds kissing and spreading Miranda’s pleasure on her skin.

And then it was Ashley’s turn, dropping Miranda on her feet unceremoniously, grabbing her fleshy, firm ass finally in her hand to hold her hip in place while she humped the pale thigh trapped firmly between her legs, and she let out a throaty, deep groan, pressing tightly against Miranda, lost in the sensation so much that she could not care if she squashed her to the wall too hard.

Judging from the way Miranda’s hands gripped Ashley’s hand and back, squeezing, it might have been too strong but it only dragged out the other woman’s ebbing pleasure, until they could just lean against the wall and pant into each other’s necks, holding tight.

The shower was still running, the bathroom filled up with steam by now, which just added to their exhaustion, breathing heavily in the humid air. They separated, and the water washed away the slippery sweat they worked up, along with the traces of moisture on their legs, while they checked out each other with hazy eyes.

They had to break the moment, however, if they really wanted to clean up and finish, so Ashley reached out and turned off the hot tap. In a few seconds, ice cold water rushed down on them, making Miranda’s eyes go wide and gaps, arching her back where the water hit her the most, almost jumping into Ashley’s arms. The marine also hissed, tensing her muscles, enjoying the familiar rush that woke both of them up and left them with goosebumps and very hard nipples.

Miranda laughed, and pushed Ashley back out from the shower with a scoff. Ashley let herself grin, probably the first time since she discovered her strange affection towards an ex-Cerberus spy. _Some closure,_ she thought and let out a wistful sigh, searching around for a towel until Miranda turned the hot water back long enough to finish her shower routine.

By the time she finished and emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, her hair already perfect, Ashley was dressed. _Her_ hair still damp, trying to rub it dry with a corner of the towel. She sat in a chair, near the window, a glass of brandy in her hand. She offered it to Miranda and watched as she smiled and walked up to her, to take it, the towel disappointingly hiding her shape.

Ashley reached for the other glass already poured for herself and sipped into it, slower this time. While she waited, she thought about what to say and how to say it so as not to sound like a lovestruck teenage boy or a one-night stand jerk.

 _Talk shop, that always works,_ a voice whispered in her head as she watched Miranda carefully sorting out her clothes, putting on a fresh pair of underwear.

“So. What happens now?”  
 _Smooth, Ash!_

Miranda raised an eyebrow as she looked at Ashley for a second between two items of clothing. She pondered for a second and shrugged.

“Now? We both have things to do. Parts to play,” she replied matter-of-factly, making Ashley feel a pang of disappointment. 

_You were the one who picked an ambiguous question,_ she reminded herself. She could hardly blame the other woman for not getting the signals. Those damn signals. They were so hard. 

Miranda continued, “I doubt it would look good if anybody saw us together. And not safe for me. I have arrangements to make.”

Ashley nodded. “Me too.”  
Miranda picked up her glass, fully clothed now, smoothing out the creases on her outfit, looking curiously at Ashley.

“Really?”  
 _You suck at this!_

“I mean, uh, supervising C-Sec recovery and stuff. Lots of red tape.”  
Miranda nodded, dropping down on the couch closest to Ashley. She searched the marine’s face, tasting her drink absently.

“Maybe it’s time to move on,” she mused. For a second, Ashley was not sure what was she talking about. “You got the Citadel back into shape. You should be out there. Fighting.”

“So should you,” Ashley insisted.  
Miranda smiled again. “In my own way, I’m doing it.”

Ashley fidgeted with the glass, still mulling over what to say and how to say it. Maybe she was trying too hard, overthinking it. She downed the rest of the brandy and shot a glance at Miranda.

“Well, if you change your mind–”  
“I know where to find you.”

Ashley reluctantly stood up. Maybe she should just leave it open, not push for an answer she might not want to hear, or know what to do with it. Life was complicated as it was already.

Miranda stood, too, and no matter how hard Ashley searched her face, she could not figure out what the ex-Cerberus agent was feeling about this time they shared.

She escorted Ashley to the door silently and did not try any fake smiles or overly polite gestures to make them feel better. As the door hissed open, Ashley turned around and looked at Miranda with an open gaze.  
“And how do I find you?” she ventured before stepping out.  
Miranda frowned, trying to keep a straight face.  
“I don’t know. Maybe if I make it–” she shrugged.  
“Let me help you. Please.”  
The other woman shook her head. “You can’t. I have to do this. Alone.”

Ashley had barely enough time to nod before the door slid close between them. She sighed, feeling recharged and exhausted at the same time. It felt good to resolve the tension that built up in her and say what she wanted to say, but instead of sorting it all out and getting closure, she started to wonder that it may have just become more complicated.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And you wouldn’t believe what goes on in the bathrooms.

Two days later Ashley was kneeling in one of the bathroom stalls in the back of the Purgatory Club, her head buried into Miranda’s incredibly smooth and soft, and very, very wet lap. Her legs rested on Ashley’s shoulder, squeezing erratically when the marine’s tongue hit her sweet spot in just the right moment, gasping and grinding her folds against Ashley’s lips, tangled in a very dirty make-out session, trying to coax her tongue deeper into her sex.

Miranda was clinging to the top of the booth with both hands, her chest pressed out as she moaned, only Ashley’s tight grip on her clenching buttcheeks holding her steady. The throbbing bass of the music filtered in dully from the dancefloor, giving a primordial rhythm to their needy, rushed fucking, the delicious taste of Miranda’s lust making Ashley’s head swim more than the loud music outside and the alcohol she previously consumed. It was whole new experience, the touch of the smooth, warm skin rubbing against her cheeks, the embrace of her strong thighs giving her a massage, urging her to finish what she started.

Ashley could have gone on for much longer, just reveling in the feel of those delicate folds, the way it felt when she sucked them into her mouth, squeezing with her lips while the tip of her tongue probed for Miranda’s swollen clit. She kneaded the other woman’s glorious ass with firm squeezes, her fingers sinking into her flesh. The tremble in Miranda’s muscles and the quickening pace at which she thrust her hips back told Ashley she was close. She wrapped her lips around the silky mound and massaged it with her lips, her tongue lapping with long strokes until the woman above her gasped, gripped the stall tight and froze, biting her lip not to scream while she climaxed, her juices flowing freely, and for Ashley it felt and tasted like ecstasy.

Ashley gently held her until her twitches stopped and her muscles relaxed, taking deep breath to calm herself down and only then did she let the disheveled, half-naked Miranda slip down from her shoulders to stand on her own high-heels.

Not that she wore much before. When barely half an hour ago Ashley bumped into her at the bar, she almost didn’t recognize her. Miranda was wearing strong makeup, tied her hair back and wore a two-piece outfit that left little to the imagination. Ashley had to admit, it was pretty clever: she blended into the crowd seamlessly, her choice of attire making it hard to decide if she was one of the dancers, a waitress or just a clubgoer. Everybody would remember differently if asked, and nobody would give her much thought in a posh club like this one.

“I must say, that having sex in a bathroom is normally below me,” Miranda whispered, still out of breath as she clung to Ashley with her face flushed, smiling. “I’m a high maintenance girl.”

“Happy you made an exception,” Ashley smirked back, licking her lips markedly to clean off the taste of her sex, resting her hands on her waist, enjoying the heat radiating from her skin.

It started inconspicuous enough a few hours earlier, when Ashley received another warning on her terminal. After the events of the days before she forgot to turn them off and the facial recognition got a hit at the club. It pinged Ashley’s omnitool, sending her into another turmoil, just when she had almost sorted things out in her head.

It started to feel like a frustrating, albeit very hot déjá vu.

She felt Miranda push her away, her full lips twisting into a half-smile as she pushed Ashley back until she sat on the closed toilet seat, then proceeded to straddle her, settling on her lap snugly, the tiny skirt crumpled up around her waist.

“You’re a bad influence, commander,” Miranda whispered into her ear, her lips brushing her skin, her chest pressed against her as she arched her back. Ashley let out a soft moan, eyes half closed as she grabbed the other woman’s ass again, rolling her head to expose more of her neck to kisses. And as she felt those full breasts squashed against hers and slender fingers rubbing down her belly, impatiently clawing at Ashley’s shirt to expose her skin and press a palm against her firm abs and eventually, very slowly slipping inside her panties, she wondered if it wasn’t the other way around.

After their time together Ashley finally met with Shepard at a café’s terrace in the Presidium and they talked about family, friends, the war, and all was well with the world. Shepard did notice that Ashley was a bit distracted. That man had an uncanny ability to sense these things, he was much better honed to people around him than Ashley was. She knew this ever since she joined his team some three years ago.

Still she could not just bring up Miranda Lawson and her newfound confusion so in the end she deflected and started talking about the bureaucracy she had to tackle after the Cerberus attack and how it was making her restless. It was mostly true. There was a war out there, and she almost got killed right at the beginning of it, and she was missing out on all the action. She was a marine after all.

Keeping her mind off of Miranda was proving to be just as difficult as before, so she was grateful for all the distraction, not to mention the original issues she had were rendered obsolete just an hour ago.

“We’re refueling and restocking and heading back out again in a few days,” Shepard said, leaning back in his chair with his glass of weird looking cocktail. “Maybe it’s time for you to jump back into the fray.”

She did jump back all right, but not that kind of fray. She spent a good thirty minutes, staring at the screenshot from Purgatory that caught Miranda’s face earlier, trying to figure out what it meant. Could it be that she became careless? Maybe she made a mistake. After all, she almost got caught the first time they met. But she did look almost directly into the camera, as if she knew it was watching her. Was she sending Ashley a message? And if yes, what was it? Was she in trouble, and this is how she asked for help? Was she just playing with her? Maybe she did get sloppy and Cerberus was after her again.

She felt her heart already beating faster as she went through all the options. Maybe it was nothing, and maybe this was an invitation to meet her, and maybe she was not in trouble and Ashley was just rationalizing why she was already on her way to the Club.

Miranda’s fingers slowly curled around her mound, humming playfully into her ear as she no doubt felt how damp she was, her clit already throbbing in need from the memory and taste of the ex-Cerberus operative. She squeezed Miranda’s ass and arched her back as the woman’s fingertips started to draw circles around her hood. “Uhh, fuck…” she gasped into the dark curtain of her hair, pressing her hip against those slender fingers. Miranda chuckled softly and picked up Ashley’s rhythm, straightening a bit to lift her chest in level with Ashley’s face.

Her chest. And those lips, as she smiled. Those were the clues that made her recognize Miranda as she slipped next to her at the counter. She smiled at her casually, like any stranger having a good time would do as she ordered a drink. Ashley stayed still, trying to keep her face straight at the sight of the skimpy outfit.

“Glad you could make it, commander,” she said, barely audible over the roar of the music.  
Ashley smirked, nodding slowly as she downed her drink. “Of course. You knew I was watching.”  
Miranda shot her a knowing glance and took her drink, even managing to flirt with the bartender while she paid and turned away, resting her elbows on the counter. Which, incidentally, highlighted her shapely breasts.  
“I was meeting somebody on business. I thought maybe you would like to have a drink.”

“And what if I hadn’t come?”  
“You didn’t have to,” Miranda shrugged, sipping her drink as she searched the crowd. “It would have been your loss, though” she waved around at the crowd. “Just look. People having fun.”  
Miranda pushed herself away from the counter, downing the rest of her drink in one gulp and dropping the glass on the counter.  
“And you wouldn’t believe what goes on in the bathrooms.”

Ashley was just coming in the bathrooms, her body jerking under Miranda’s expert fingers, her whole body twitching in her seat, making the woman on her lap bounce, grinding her body back against her with long sighs, panting into her ear. They slowly started to wind down, moves slowing, muscles less tight, pressing against each other until their pulse and breathing became more regular.

Ashley watched as Miranda slowly stood up and took a step back to arrange her outfit, straightening out the wrinkles, tucking her skirt down over her thighs.

“Maybe we should have another drink,” Ashley mused, looking into Miranda’s eyes. She wanted to talk a bit, to say something and not just leave. It would have felt so sleazy, to go their separate ways after a quickie in a club’s bathrooms. She didn’t have issues with one night stands before, but this time she wasn’t sure if this should be one.

Miranda looked back at her, trying to fix her hair, but her attention was focused on Ashley. She seemed to have understood the unspoken question.

“I doubt we would be able to hear each other out there if we tried to talk,” she said, nodding towards the club. “And dancing too close or finding a quiet table somewhere would be suspicious. You have a reputation to uphold.”

Ashley snorted, tucking her shirt into her pants, feeling the dampness that soaked her lap as she lets out a soft groan, putting her own clothes in order.  
“So what? I just go about my business and see if you may or may not… send me another signal?” Ashley asked and tried not to sound too grumpy or whiny. Even she couldn’t really tell what she wanted.  
Miranda leaned against the booth door with a soft smile. “Would you like that?”

Ashley grimaced and stood up, placing a hand absently at her naked waist.  
“It’s tedious,” she muttered. “And a bit one-sided, don’t you think?”

Miranda nodded, pressing herself against Ashley. She wrapped a hand around her head, her fingers stroking the nape of her neck. “Watch the Zakera Docks,” she whispered very close to her, her hot breath tingling Ashley’s ear. “I wish there was another way.”

Ashley held her close for a second, whispering back into her hair. “What are we doing exactly?”

Miranda stepped away, shooting her a curious glance, while she reached behind her to find the doorknob. “I thought we were having fun,” she said with a playful smile and slipped out, leaving Ashley alone with her questions and her doubts.

***

She did keep her eyes on the Zakera Docks, sort of, but when the alert came two days later, she just sat down in front of the cameras in the Spectre’s Office and watched. Miranda only revealed enough to one camera to catch her face, but she managed to avoid getting spotted on any other one of them.

Of course Ashley knew what she was looking for so she pulled up all available feeds and feeling a bit disgusted with herself, she tracked her movements like a stalker, to a dingy freighter where she talked to one of the crewmembers. Money and a small package exchanged hands, there were short nods and some more talk and then Miranda wandered near the entrance to the dock to shoot a quick glance at the cameras.

Ashley watched as she lingered around idly, always out of sight and out of the way. Her look was different again, lumpy pants and jackets that effectively hid her shape, her hair kept simple, her face plain. Even her gestures and moves were selling her as one of the many refugees that started to fill up more and more areas on the Citadel.

It was actually beginning to become a crowd control problem, not to mention the petty and more sinister crimes like smuggling and trafficking. C-Sec was so used to Ashley’s presence now, that they started to pester her about the refugees.

Ashley knew it was time to leave before she became an unofficial warden of all things Citadel, and got drowned in red tape. She could see that Miranda was leaving too, just as she said few days before. Going after Cerberus or who knows what. She probably wanted to say goodbye, maybe even have a little more fun, too.

Ashley didn’t want that, though. She certainly didn’t want a conversation with the knowledge that they were most probably ending this– whatever they had. If it was any kind of relationship, it was not a good way to talk about it. Not that she knew exactly what it should be about. Hell, she didn’t even know what she wanted. It would have been easy to write it off as a fling, a way they both relieved the tension in their lives before they went their own way. It’s not like there could have been anything more between them, not with how the war was going on.

So Ashley watched Miranda wait for a long time, occasionally shooting a very discreet glance at one of the cameras before walking away and slipped on board the freighter.

When Shepard called a few hours later, Ashley was already packed and ready to board the Normandy again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Horizon.

Horizon. Here we are, again. Fuck!

And Liara was the Shadow Broker?! Ashley barely had enough time to process the information after Shepard and the asari revealed it to her, claiming that apart from Miranda, Tali and Garrus, she is the fifth person who knows the new Shadow Broker’s identity.

Her mind was reeling from the revelation, not the least because it also explained Liara’s involvement in organizing their meetings with Miranda.

Damn, things were going fast. Before Ashley had time to confide in Liara about her run-ins with Miranda, about which no doubt, the asari might have already known, they hit Thessia and all new kinds of hell broke loose.

That Cerberus assassin was a pain in the ass, snatching the info from them, leaving them flustered, Liara in turmoil and Shepard royally pissed. They tracked the bastard to Horizon, and Ashley was really not looking forward to landing there again.

The first surprise came even before they landed. They intercepted a transmission from someone called Oriana Lawson, and Ashley’s heart already skipped a beat. Shepard said it was Miranda’s sister, and that it meant Miranda was close. And Ashley had no time to ask questions.

They went in full force. Shepard, Vega and Ashley in the front, Garrus and Liara bringing up the rear. They were not getting surprised again. It was becoming a new layer of hell very quickly. Cleaning a path inside the Sanctuary facility was easy, until the creatures started showing up.

The second surprise came when they actually found a message recorded by Miranda herself, no doubt leaving it behind for anyone following. That woman was nothing if not methodical. Ashley stared incredulously at the screen, where Miranda was explaining that it was a Cerberus facility, ran by her _father_. At least she gave them a clue, pointing Shepard’s team towards the comms tower.

Ashley felt her head starting to spin. At least she wasn’t alone, judging from Shepard’s rhetorical question to them about how these puzzle pieces fit together. And if she didn’t know what to think any more, further inside the complex Liara identified Reaper tech.

That seemed to animate Shepard as well, and before Ashley could say something, Shepard’s concerns echoed hers as well. Miranda was caught in the middle of all this.

They picked up the pace, finding new nightmarish footage of refugees turned into husks. It was sickening.

There was also another recording of Miranda shutting down power to lock the Reapers inside. Before anybody had the time to admire her move and wonder how she made it so far alone, another footage of that assassin popped up, talking to someone about Miranda.

“There’s no way she knows he’s here,” blurted out Ashley breathlessly. Fortunately nobody stopped to wonder about her sudden concern as they all echoed her sentiment.

The resistance got heavier after that. They stopped encountering Cerberus troops as they entered the locked down region, teeming with reaper minions. And it did not end there. 

The next breadcrumb that Miranda left behind was audio only, explaining Henry Lawson’s twisted experiments that made Ashley’s stomach churn.  
“This guy is someone’s father?” she blurted out, not even realizing what she was saying. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing.”

Nobody argued with that. The tension was rising in all of them, Vega’s shotgun barking more and more often, clearing some room for Ashley and Shepard’s assault rifles. Garrus sticked with Liara, covering the asari and picking off strays from any vantage point he could find.

They made a very efficient fire team and were it not for her seething anger and deep worry, Ashley would have appreciated the sight. As it were, she took point more and more, to the surprise of Vega and Shepard, who had trouble keeping up with her.  
“Can’t cover you, Lola, if you run away,” Vega muttered at one point, yanking Ashley behind a cover and firing his shotgun at the same time.

Ashley glared at him, but she knew he was right. They needed to reach the communications tower, where everybody seemed to be headed. Ashley was just too eager to get there. She growled in frustration whenever they ran into another group of Reaper creatures. Miranda was smart to lock them in and away from the rest of the city, but it made advancing harder for anybody following her trail. And she was also trapped inside with them, plus Kai Leng, too, as it seemed.

It was getting cramped, fighting in tighter spaces, bumping shoulders with each other, throwing away thermal clips like there was no tomorrow. Garrus and Liara had to step up with their support and Shepard wisely kept them tightly together. Although there were only five of them, it felt like a crowd.

Sweating and panting, and with fresh dents on their armor they reached another control station, just below the comm level, where they found another message from Miranda. She looked more disheveled, scrapes and bruises and torn clothes that made Ashley’s heart sink. She started to regret not meeting her one last time on the Citadel. In this damn war, you had to take every opportunity to say at least goodbyes to those you cared about, because it just seemed more and more likely that you would never meet again. She should have learned that from her sister. Or maybe that’s why she wanted to avoid meeting Miranda on the Citadel.

It gnawed at Ashley, thinking about Miranda, barely paying attention to the calls between Henry Lawson and the Illusive Man that proved beyond doubt what they were up to. She admired Miranda’s resolve, how she kept her wits about and found time and effort to record and document everything she found out. Ashley wouldn’t have had the patience for it.

Did she miss her chance? Wouldn’t it have been better to make a clean break?

Shepard was moving, lowering a service ladder to the level above, the noise yanking Ashley back to the present. She was beyond disgusted with Cerberus experimenting on humans to care about the details. She didn’t mind not listening to the recordings. She shot one last glance at the monitors as everybody got ready to climb the ladder when something caught her eye.  
“Commander! There is more here. Look!” she called out, her eyes glued to the monitor.

It was Miranda again, in a room, snapping her head towards a noise, probably, and then Kai Leng dropped into the frame. Miranda staggered backwards and fell, crawling away frantically as Kai Leng stepped towards her, and then the video feed cut off.

“Damn it! I hope she’s ready for him,” Shepard muttered and signalled them to move on.

Ashley was fighting panic as she followed, climbing onto the next level as fast as she could. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, feeling her mind narrowing down to one purpose only. It was a familiar battlefield experience, and she hadn’t felt this intensity since the Citadel battle against Sovereign. Every nerve in her body focused on her surroundings, seeing everything sharp, feeling everybody’s presence and position around her. Every other thought was banished from her mind, every movement catching her eyes, her assault rifle an extension of her senses, her eyes and hands. Touching shoulders with Vega she took the initiative, always knowing where Shepard and the others were, laying down covering fire one heartbeat before Shepard or Vega would need it, or drawing attention to herself to distract the enemy when she felt Liara was preparing a biotic burst.

She went flanking with Garrus, keeping the creatures at bay and creating space for the turian to pick his targets and thin the crowd that was occupied with Shepard’s and Vega’s gunfire.

By the time they reached the door to the comms room, she was gritting her teeth, cursing and using the butt of her gun on the husks, luring them onto her just to be able to bash skulls and break bones.

There was a quick pause before the door, everybody taking a second to check their gear and take a breath. Vega hit the button on the door and they filed in quickly, weapons at the ready.

Ashley was really not prepared for the sight that greeted her. Henry Lawson was standing in the middle, spinning around at the noise and grabbed Miranda to yank her in front of him as a human shield. Before Ashley could register how low one has to sink to use their own daughter as protection, she realized it wasn’t Miranda. It was her sister, and the resemblance was uncanny.

“Shepard!” came Miranda’s voice nearby and Ashley’s heart skipped a beat again.

Miranda was sitting on the floor, holding herself up on one hand, the other clutching her side, her white outfit dark red where blood was seeping out under her palm.

“Commander Shepard!” Henry Lawson snarled. “Excellent timing.”  
“Put the gun down,” Shepard warned, advancing slowly, gun aimed at Lawson, while the rest of them spread out on both sides. Ashley needed every bit of her willpower to keep her aim steady and focus on the immediate threat, get a clear shot at Henry Lawson and wait for any signal from Shepard. She really wanted to pull the trigger.

“No. Oriana tried to shoot me. Miranda’s poisonous influence, no doubt.”  
“I’m sorry she missed,” Shepard shot back, making Ashley smirk behind the cover of her gun. She shot a glance to Miranda, who struggled to stand. “Where’s Kai Leng?”

“I don’t know. Gone. He took my research and left us here to die.”  
“Miranda. Can you hear me?” Shepard called out, keeping his eye on her father.

Miranda slowly managed to stand, no doubt just to show her father that she was still not beaten. It was foolish, Ashley thought, she was risking further damage.

“That’s close enough! Both of you!” Lawson snapped, his gun darting back and forth between them, keeping an arm around Oriana’s neck. “Kai Leng didn’t finish the job but I will.”

“This ends here,” Shepard said in a warning tone. Ashley slowly gripped her rifle tighter, getting ready to shoot.  
“On the contrary,” Lawson replied suddenly very confident. “Now that the reapers are taken care of, we have a way out.”

“Let her go,” Shepard said, apparently not interested in the man’s ramblings.  
“Shepard… don’t let him take her,” Miranda said, her trembling voice betraying her desperation and her weakness.

Ashley grit her teeth, her finger itching on the trigger. It was still not a clear shot and Shepard was still trying to talk the man down. Every passing second was feeling like an eternity.

“I have no problem with you. I just want Oriana and the research data,” Shepard offered generously.  
“You want a lot.”  
“You get your life in return. How much is that worth?”

There was a long, very long pause as Henry Lawson considered his options. Miranda was swaying on her feet, clutching a nearby desk for support, four guns trained at the man, Ashley’s finger twitching on the trigger. Oriana stood very still and quiet, holding up bravely, but her eyes were locked on her sister, her gaze full of emotions.

“All right. Take her.” Lawson said finally, pushing his daughter away from him. “But I want out alive. Deal?”

Shepard nodded curtly, slowly lowering his gun, signaling the others to follow. Ashley was reluctant to comply, her aim wavering. She tipped her rifle down in disappointment. She was so focused on getting a good shot at Lawson she missed the buzz of biotics as Miranda’s fist started to glow blue and she threw a ball of dark energy at her father, throwing him against the cracked window with an impossible starting speed. The glass shattered, and the man fell to his death, screaming.  
“No deal,” she gasped. 

Everybody stared at the window and the falling man incredulously.

“Miranda!” Oriana screamed and started to run.

Miranda was lying on the floor where she collapsed, Oriana skidding to a halt on her knees next to her. She lifted her head and shoulder, trying to pull her into her lap.  
“Stay with me, sis!”

That got Shepard and Ashley moving at the same time, rushing to help. They flanked Miranda on both sides, Ashley checking out the wound automatically, while Shepard grabbed Miranda’s shoulder and tried to keep her awake.

“Hey, Miranda,” he said gently, shooting a quick glance at Ashley.  
“She lost a lot of blood,” Ashley replied quickly, understanding the unspoken question. “It’s a cut… passed through the back…” she reached under Miranda’s back, making the woman gasp in pain, while she winced. “Seems clean.”

“Hold tight, Miranda, we’ll get you out of here,” Shepard whispered, holding the wounded woman’s hand and patting it encouragingly. He even managed a reassuring nod to Oriana.

Ashley tried to control herself, forcing her hands to remain calm and not tremble. She fumbled for the medpack on her belt, but her hands were slippery with blood and the fucking thing wouldn’t pop open! Vega patted her arm with his medpack and Ashley looked up, taking it with a nod, ripping the package open with her teeth. Vega patted her on her back and moved off to secure the perimeter. Garrus and Liara were hunched over one of the terminals, trying to get the research data and figure out how to shut down the scrambling, communicating in quick, short sentences filled with all kinds of tech lingo.

“I-I can’t believe it’s you…” Miranda whispered, looking up at Shepard gratefully.

Shepard nodded, occasionally glancing at Ashley to see how she was doing.  
“We caught a break. I’m just glad we got here in time.”

Miranda nodded weakly, suppressing a painful grunt while Ashley dumped a generous dose of medigel on a lump of gauze and pressed it against the exit wound on her back. She glanced up at Oriana, looking at her awkwardly. It was so strange to suddenly see a younger, more emotional version of Miranda there, her expression open, eyes filled with tears.  
“Here. You have to press this here to stop the bleeding,” Ashley whispered, taking Oriana’s hand in hers to guide it to the gauze. She almost apologised for smearing blood on the girls wrist and sleeve.

“How did you do all this, Miranda?” Shepard asked gently, almost in awe, keeping her distracted and focused on him. He was very good at this.

“Just followed the lies… then… then when I saw… this, I couldn’t just walk away.”  
“Of course,” Shepard nodded encouragingly offering a faint smile and looking around. “Breaking into a fortified Cerberus lab under attack by Reapers… Not many people could pull this off.”

Miranda returned the smile, that quickly turned into a grimace. She looked up at Oriana, who held her head and stroked her cheek, eyes full of tears. Meantime Shepard and Ashley exchanged glances, and Ashley nodded curtly while she freed her own medkit and was working on ripping Miranda’s jacket open so she can access the front wound.  
“I can stabilize her. But we need Chakwas,” she said quietly.  
Shepard nodded again, turning his attention back to Miranda.

“I needed to find Oriana. Nothing was going to stop me,” Miranda said with so much determination in her voice that Ashley stopped what she was doing for a moment and looked up at them.

She realized she avoided looking into Miranda’s eyes, and she wasn’t sure it was because tending to the wounds needed her attention that much, or because she felt like shit for standing her up back at the Citadel.  
“I understand,” Shepard said while Ashley and Miranda’s eyes finally met for a second. “You should have told me.”

Ashley couldn’t tell if there was anything in those icy blue eyes apart from pain and exhaustion, and she certainly couldn’t master the energy to force a “sorry” look on her face, so they just acknowledged each other’s presence before Ashley went back to dress the wound. The whole exchange took less than a second.  
“You have a war to win, Shepard. This was… my fight. It’s been a long time coming.”  
“You did it. It’s over.”  
“We can stop running,” Miranda sighed in relief as she turned back towards Shepard.  
“Yes. You can.”

Ashley felt a tight squeeze in her chest. There was so much desperation, pain and relief in that one sentence, that even though she had no idea what was happening around her, she could feel how important it was to Miranda.

Garrus stepped closer and signaled to Shepard.  
“The research data is gone, but we’ve still got basic facility information like shuttle arrivals and departures… Cerberus included.”

Shepard looked up at the turian and nodded.  
“That’s something at least.”

“I can do better than that,” Miranda whispered and Ashley realized she was losing her strength, going soft under her hands. She stared at her bewildered, glaring her to shut up.  
Shepard snapped his head back towards Miranda. “What?” 

“Before… Kai Leng took off… I-I planted a tracer on him…” she wheezed, having trouble breathing. Even Oriana felt it, shuffling nervously as she held her head, whispering her sister’s name as she tried to keep her awake.

“A tracer?” Shepard said, almost touched. “Sounds like you thought of everything.”

“Not quite, but…” Miranda’s gaze wandered over to Ashley, who stopped what she was doing, keeping the pressure on the wound and stared at her incredulously. “…nobody’s perfect.”

Ashley felt like crap, looking away from Miranda’s face that did not betray any resentment or anger, just exhaustion.  
Miranda was fumbling for a pocket on her side and Ashley helped her dig out a tracker device.

Shepard took it away like it was made of pure gold.   
“Thanks, Miranda. This is… exactly what we need.”

He looked at the wounded woman with a smile and then up at Garrus.  
“Go,” Ashley said quietly, nodding to Shepard. “Call the shuttle. I’ve got this.”

Shepard nodded and stood up, shooting one more grateful glance at Miranda before jumping up and joining Garrus and Liara at the terminal.

Ashley was finally left alone with Miranda and her sister.  
“Here we are… again…” Miranda whispered with a faint smile as she lifted her tired gaze at Ashley.  
Their eyes met and Ash froze, glaring back at Miranda with a remorseful look, recalling the first time they met. Much has changed, but she was applying medigel to Miranda’s torso again. She could practically feel Oriana’s curious glance on her and that made her ears burn.  
“Just shut the hell up,” Ashley hissed, struggling to remain calm. Of course, she meant Miranda should conserve her strength but it came out more brusquely than she intended.

Miranda smiled again weakly, closing her eyes. She understood.  
“Miranda!” Ashley whispered in panic as the woman started to pass out. Oriana looked up at her desperately, and when Ashley met her gaze, she was trying to hide her anxiety.  
“She’s gonna be fine,” she mumbled, nudging Miranda’s hip with her knees. “Stay with me.”

Miranda’s eyes opened, looking around slow and dazed. She probably didn’t even hear what Ashley said.

“Let’s make sure everybody knows about this place.” Shepard said behind her as the scrambler was deactivated. Miranda’s voice filled the room as her recorded warning now broadcasted uninterrupted planetwide. Shepard tapped his comm, calling the shuttle. “Cortez, we need a pick up at the tower.”

He spun around, nodding to the others, who started to get ready and form up.  
“I’ve had enough of this place.”

Shepard and Vega stepped up next to Ashley, and they both looked down at them concerned.  
“How is she?” Shepard asked softly.

Ashley looked up, and she hoped she looked calm enough.  
“She needs a doctor. Fast.”

Shepard nodded. “The landing platform to the tower is two levels down and still crawling with Reapers. We need to carry her.”

“Got it,” Ashley nodded, turning back to pick Miranda up. Vega was kneeling down, ready to help. “I said, I got it!” Ashley snapped, glaring at Vega, who reeled back with a frown. “You stay with the girl and keep her safe. Garrus can cover Shepard and Liara walks with me.”

Vega rolled his eyes, lifting his hands up in deference, a smirk forming on his lips.  
“Oye. Lola has spoken.” He stood up, pulling out his shotgun and checked the clips.

Ashley drew her pistol, slipping her right arm under Miranda’s knees. She took Miranda’s left wrist gently and put her hand on her wound.  
“We need to keep pressure on this,” she whispered softly. “Sorry.”  
Miranda looked at her and nodded, keeping her lips closed tightly, concentrating too hard on staying awake to make a noise.

Ashley wrapped Miranda’s right arm over her shoulder and slipping her left hand behind her shoulder blades she took a breath and stood up. Miranda grunted in pain as her left hand was trapped between their bodies, effectively keeping the pressure on her wound.

Shepard was staring at her.  
“What?” Ashley asked testily.  
Shepard shook his head, lifting a hand with an appreciative smirk in the corners of his mouth.  
“Good thinking, Ash,” he smiled, patting her on her shoulder and nodded to the others. “Let’s move out!”

The trek was short but intense. The reapers were drawn to the comms tower. They may have figured out The Illusive Man’s plans, but they didn’t know yet that the plans were gone. Ashley marched forward with quiet determination, gripping her gun tightly, in case anything gets within point blank range, where she wouldn’t have to aim. She kept looking at Vega’s back, who had his left hand on Oriana’s shoulder, guiding her with firm taps, pushing her into cover if needed.

More than once Ashley needed to drop to one knee and cover Miranda with her body as something exploded or peppered them with whatever projectiles those bastards had. She buried her head into Miranda’s chest, but she had no time to linger or to look, just concentrating on the sounds and flashes to know when to duck. Her scent still filled Ashley’s nose, and that gave her strength as Miranda started to feel heavier, and it became harder and harder to jump back on her feet and run when Liara tapped her shoulder that the coast was clear.

It was a blur, everything just a narrow corridor that she had to run through, her muscles burning, sweat pouring down her forehead. _Just like the endurance trainings,_ she thought, chuckling.

She didn’t even notice when Miranda passed out, only looking at her face when she saw the shuttle landing and the door opening. The victorious grin faded quickly as she saw Miranda’s head bobbing and her arm slipping from Ashley’s shoulder. Time for the final sprint.

Vega pushed Oriana forward and stopped, spinning around to cover their retreat, the shotgun roaring behind Ashley. Ten yards… five… one… She dived inside between Shepard and Garrus, who stood on each side of the door and laid down suppressing fire until everybody was in the shuttle and the doors closed.

Ashley slumped down in one of the jumpseats, clinging to Miranda with all her strength, the muscles burning in her arms, her legs, her back. She was gasping for air, trying to catch her breath but shook her head when Garrus and Shepard tried to peel the unconscious woman from her arms.  
“It’s fine… gotta keep the pressure…” she gasped, drawing a few odd stares from Shepard, and Vega, but keeping Miranda stable made sense to them as well. They buckled her into the seat, Oriana sitting down on Ashley’s left and helped hold her sister’s head.

Shepard checked Miranda’s pulse and nodded reassuringly to Oriana.  
“She’ll get through this,” he said softly as the shuttle started to rattle, gaining altitude to reach orbit.

The rest of the ride was quiet, everybody cooling down, catching their breath, shaking off the rush. Ashley looked around dazed, her head still swimming as the adrenaline left her system, looking everybody in the face, musing over the Normandy crew. Vega looked like he was already sleeping, strapped into his seat, Garrus tucking away their gear before sitting down. Shepard checked in with Cortez and radioed ahead for dr. Chakwas to get ready for surgery and then dropped down next to a dazed Liara, who was rolling her head and taking deep breaths to calm herself down.

Ashley watched them hold hands quietly for a while, before she realized Shepard was looking at her. Ashley held his gaze, finding approval and gratitude in his look. He even nodded curtly and cocked a half smile. There might have been some curiosity in that look, too, and Ashley was glad she looked like hell and probably flushed from exhaustion that hid her nervous blush.

They both looked at Miranda’s pale face and Oriana’s gentle hands stroking her hair, her full attention focused on her older sister.

Ashley shot a glance at Oriana and looked back at Shepard, who was still watching her with a mixture of amusement and pride. She let out a ragged sigh and rested her head against the back of the seat, staring into empty space. She felt utterly exhausted, incapable of feeling pride and satisfaction at Shepard’s silent praise, and felt too empty to feel guilty or worry any more. She even zoned out for a bit, the only connection to the real world was the weight in her arms.


	8. Chapter 8

The shuttle jolted to a halt, rousing everybody from their rest. They unbuckled from their seats and stood up, Vega and Garrus pulling Ashley up.

Dr. Chakwas was already waiting with a crash kit and a stretcher, two crewmembers standing by. Ashley staggered forward, falling to her knees as she let Miranda down carefully onto the stretcher, Oriana not leaving their side for a second.

The doctor looked at the wound with an unfathomable expression and checked Miranda’s vital signs with her portable tool. She looked up at Oriana.  
“You must be her sister. Oriana, right?”  
The girl nodded.  
“Your sister lost a lot of blood. I presume you have the same blood type?”  
Another nervous nod. Ashley felt she was missing something.  
“I can give her as much as she needs,” Oriana whispered.

Chakwas nodded with an encouraging smile as she finished the checkup, nodding to the crewmen to grab the stretcher.  
“Good. Let’s get Miranda to patched up then.”

And they were off in a rush, the four of them taking the elevator before anybody else. Ashley was left there, kneeling on the floor of the hangar bay, utterly exhausted.

She shook her head wearily to clear her mind as they all watched the doors close. Garrus and Vega were unpacking the gear from the shuttle, filing them on a crate neatly. Shepard tapped Ashley’s shoulder.  
“Are you all right, Ash?” he asked softly.

Ashley looked down at her bloody armor, then slowly lifted her head. She must have had a bewildered expression on her face because they all looked at her concerned for a second.  
“Oh? Yes. Sure. Tired. This– this is not my blood,” she mumbled.

“I’ll start going through the data. Maybe we find something useful,” Liara said, breaking the awkward moment.

“Sure,” Shepard said, fishing out Miranda’s tracker device from his belt. He waved it with an amazed expression and gave it to Liara. “Take this to Joker and EDI, please. Let’s hunt these bastards down.”

Ashley could get on board with that, she thought dully, still kneeling on the floor. _I’ll get on board as soon as I can move,_ she added and sighed. Vega reached out a hand to her and she gratefully took it, pulling herself up with a groan.  
“Good fight, Lola,” Vega nodded with a grin.

Liara hurried off, and the four of them were left there by the shuttle, all feeling the aftereffects of the intense skirmish. Everybody was a bit stiff and slow, groaning and grunting as they started to peel off their armor. There was a soothing familiarity in the routine of helping each other out of their gears.

Ashley was still staring at the elevator, dropping the pieces of her armor unceremoniously on the floor.  
“Could anybody please explain to me what the hell just happened down there?” she mused, nodding towards the elevator.

There was a short pause as they all glanced at each other, the penny slowly dropping as Ashley sat down heavily on a crate to pull of her boots and legpieces.

“Oh. You mean the Lawson family,” Shepard said finally, half out of his armor.

Ashley looked at him, trying to look nonchalant and nodded.  
Vega nodded enthusiastically, too.  
“Yea. What’s up with them? That chick was hot.”  
Ashley and Shepard both glared at him.  
“What?”

“Funny you should say that,” Garrus interjected, collecting the guns to take them to the weapons bench for cleaning.  
“Why?”

Garrus didn’t reply, just walked away with the turian equivalent of a smirk on his face.  
“Lawson was a megalomaniac. He wanted a dynasty. So he made one, in a lab,” Shepard replied, plopping down next to Ashley, leaning back against another crate to pull of his boots. “Miranda was genetically engineered to be perfect.”

“Well, that explains a lot of things,” Vega and Ashley muttered in sync. They exchanged surprised glances.

Ashley was looking back and forth between them, not trusting herself to speak any further. Fortunately, Vega had no inhibitions, and they shrugged off the strange moment.

“Holy shit. That can mess with your brain.”  
Shepard nodded.  
“So what happened?”

Shepard looked at them and grinned.  
“He did a good job. So good, in fact, that Miranda started to rebel against him. So he made a clone of her to start all over again. Oriana.”

“Clone?” Vega snorted. “Jesus Christ, this dude was sick.”  
“That still doesn’t explain…” Ashley said. She was frantically trying to put the pieces together in her reeling mind, her memories all flooding her at once. Miranda’s body was certainly– “And then? What went wrong?” she blurted out before her thoughts continued down that path.

“She ran away and took Oriana with her,” Garrus replied, getting back from the weapon’s bench, leaning against the shuttle.

“You have to appreciate it, though,” Shepard mused, standing up with a tired grunt, getting ready to leave.  
“What?” Vega asked.

“Miranda ran to Cerberus for protection. Imagine how bad it must have been that this was her best option.” Shepard patted Ashley on the shoulder as he passed her by and grinned. “Not a lot of people stop and think about that.”

Vega just shook his head, too baffled to catch the gesture, “That’s messed up, man…”

Shepard was already on the move, strolling with energetic steps towards the stairs. “You guys kicked ass down there! Good job, everyone!”

“Are you all right, Ash?” Garrus asked, tapping her shoulder and she realized that she was staring at her pile of armor. She looked at her hands, still traces of blood on her, and then the stains on her gear. She felt a bit guilty thinking that she needed to wash them off.

“Hmm? Oh. Sure. A bit tired. Can’t feel my arms,” she offered with a tired grin, looking up at the turian. “I’ll be fine.”

Garrus nodded reassuringly, and Ashley reluctantly stood, shaking the cramps from her limbs.  
“I just need a shower. Several.”

***

She did pick up her gear, dragged it over to the decontamination tanks and dumped the whole thing into the bath, setting the timer before sauntering off to the showers, where she stood under the steaming hot water for a long time until she started feeling human again.

Her mind wandered, replaying everything the last intense months brought, especially the parts about Miranda. It was all so bizarre… Being grown in a petri dish to start a dynasty, destined to be perfect at everything from birth. Having Henry Lawson for a father and then run away to become second-in-command to the most dangerous human in the Galaxy.

She felt queasy just thinking about what Miranda’s father did and how that made her think differently about Miranda Lawson. She started to doubt her feelings about her, and considered just staying out of the Lawson sisters’ way until they went their separate ways.

Not that Oriana was responsible for her father’s action, but Miranda did have a long list of charges against her on the System Alliance’s Most Wanted board. Can you really take out the megalomania and the dubious morality from a child who was programmed to be following in her father’s footsteps?

Ashley turned off the water and stood there, dripping in the shower, her hands on the tap, until she started shivering.

The answer was obvious, and she didn’t even have to recall Shepard’s words about Miranda’s choices. Helping her father to raise her three younger sisters, Ashley knew exactly what it meant to take care of them and she knew she would have done anything to protect them.

And as the granddaughter of a disgraced general, Ashley Williams was also well aware of the stigma that followed her family. And her grandfather actually didn’t do anything wrong. Still, Ashley _did_ choose to enroll in the Navy, just like her father, almost asking for more humiliation no matter how stellar her performance was. She remembered telling Shepard a lifetime ago, how a Williams had to be better than the best. If anybody, Ashley knew how nobody should be held accountable for their father’s sins.

Maybe she had more in common with Miranda than she thought.

Ashley blinked the water from her eyes, swept her wet hair from her face and stepped out from the shower. She toweled off thoroughly, rubbing away the last traces of Horizon.

She dressed up and walked out into the mess hall, her hair still damp, but at least she felt more like herself. Vega and Garrus were sitting at a table, wolfing down some rations to replenish the lost calories, sitting in silence, staring thoughtfully at the darkened windows of the medbay. The other marine nodded to her, pointing to a plate with some food on it that he thoughtfully prepared for her. That made Ashley realized how hungry she was.

“Thanks, Vega,” she mumbled, dropping down next to the man and attacked the food with the ferocity of someone who hasn’t eaten in days.

“So how was your swim?” Vega asked with a grin.  
“What?”  
“You were in there for so long we thought we might have to send in divers to recover you.”

Ashley snorted, rolling her eyes, her mouth full. “I had to scrub off the filth. I’ve had enough of Horizon for the rest of my life.” She shot a glance at the medbay and glanced at Vega nonchalantly. “So, any news?”

“She’s gonna be fine,” Garrus replied. “Chakwas was out here a few minutes ago. She said it went smooth, no complications. The sister gave blood, so she needed some food. They’re both resting.”

Ashley nodded. “Good. No losses, then.”  
“That’s always a win in my book,” Vega added thoughtfully.

“What about the data?”  
“Shepard is talking with Hackett. They think they located The Illusive Man’s hideout. They’re preparing for a serious assault, but it will take time to put a strike force together.”  
“Sounds good to me,” Ashley replied and returned to her food.

Garrus and Vega continued talking quietly about strategies and next steps, but Ashley was only half-listening. Chewing her food thoughtfully her eyes often wandered towards the medical bay and wished she could see through walls.

***

It was very frustrating to pretend being casual and paying attention to everything, while looking for the opportunity to slip into the medbay and talk to Miranda alone. There just didn’t seem to be a window of opportunity. Oriana barely left her side, Chakwas practically lived there anyway, and Ashley did not want to make a complete fool out of herself in front of the Normandy crew right now. She was also not ready to be gossip-fodder, until she figured out if there was anything to be gossiping about.

At one point, Shepard pulled her aside and discreetly asked her to make sure Tali was all right.  
“She got a bit drunk,” he chuckled.  
“How did she manage that?” Ashley asked, bemused.  
“Very carefully. And with a straw.”  
“Oh.”

“Yeah. Apparently, she took it hard that Miranda managed to stand up to her father.”  
“Oh?” Ashley repeated, this time with her eyebrows raised. “How is that a bad thing?” she added defensively.

Shepard gave her a curious look, but then just shrugged.  
“It’s another long story. Tali’s father did some… questionable things and Tali felt too loyal to him. It cost her her reputation. Among other things.”  
Ashley nodded solemnly.  
“I can relate to that.”  
“I thought you might,” Shepard said, putting a hand on Ashley’s shoulder. “I know you were good friends, back then. Maybe you can help her put her mind at ease a bit.”

“When do we get to stop reacting to our parents and start living for ourselves?” Ashley mused, finding herself in a philosophical mood.  
Shepard looked at her strangely.  
“That’s exactly what she said.”

“I’m surprised she took it so hard.”  
Shepard snorted. “That’s what I said to her.”  
Ashley smiled, maybe the first time she came aboard the Normandy and patted Shepard on the shoulder.  
“I got it, Skipper. I’ll hold her head while she pukes.”  
“Thanks, Ash.”

She ended up drinking with Tali, making sure the quarian’s glass was never full, so she wouldn’t get any more wasted than she already was. Of course it meant that Ashley had to do most of the drinking, and they exchanged stories about family obligations and how much it sucked. It turned out Tali wasn’t so much jealous, but rather she respected Miranda for doing what she, and to some extent, Ashley couldn’t do. Well, maybe they were more jealous after Ashley got a bit more to drink, but they drank to Miranda nonetheless.

She managed to keep Tali from being sick and finally led the her to the couch to lie down while the quarian girl shared maybe a bit too much information about her affection for Garrus and kept repeating how much she liked Ashley, who was like a sister to her. Ashley watched her until she finally passed out. Her head buzzing from the alcohol she stared out the observation deck’s window at the stars. She was feeling good and a bit light-headed, and wondered about their little chat. About obligations and about perceptions. She made a mental note to speak to Tali once she sobered up and encourage her to talk to Garrus.

She might have zoned out for a minute or so, trying to get her rambling thoughts in order until she finally took a deep breath, tore her gaze away from the stars and checked on Tali one last time before standing up, spinning on her heels and marched out of the observation deck.

Her purposeful steps lead her to the medical bay and without stopping to think, she opened the door and stepped inside. Her alcohol-fueled courage took her straight to Miranda’s bed and only then did she start to hesitate. Oriana was sitting in a chair, reading something quietly, and looked up curiously when Ashley stormed in, but the marine ignored her.

Miranda was awake, still a little bit pale and looking sleepy from the drugs. _Here we are again,_ Ashley thought. Saving Miranda and trying to talk to her when she’s still recovering. _On second thought, I should have waited until she was better,_ she mused, but there was no stopping now.

Ashley stood at the side of her bed, looking her over, eyes trying to focus past the haze of the alcohol and she was at a loss for words. Miranda looked frail, but beautiful. She looked back at Ashley sleepily, flashing her a weak smile. Ashley tilted her head, her gaze slowly traveled from her face to her wounded side, her hand hovering uncertainly above Miranda’s hand.

“I’m going to be fine,” Miranda whispered warmly, taking Ashley’s hand.

Ashley looked up at her, eyes foggy, and maybe it was not just the alcohol.  
“I couldn’t say goodbye,” she blurted out finally, skipping several steps in the speech she constructed in her jumbled mind. “I just couldn’t.”

Miranda sighed, closing her eyes and nodding once.  
“I understand.”  
“I wish you had told me about– about all this,” Ashley waved around uncertainly.  
“I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me.”  
“Huh? What?” Ashley shook her head. Maybe she was a bit slow from being a bit drunk, but it still didn’t make sense to her.  
Even Oriana raised an eyebrow as she watched the two of them, still trying to figure out what was going on.

“Oh, you mean because–” Ashley blurted out as the penny dropped, waving with one hand as she tried to put her conclusion into words sluggishly “–because your father was–”  
“Yes.”  
“Ah,” Ashley said, confused.

“Are you drunk?” Miranda asked suspiciously.  
“No. Yes. Maybe. A little.”

There was a painful expression on Miranda’s face, but at least she didn’t try to pull her hand away.  
“So you needed to get drunk before you gathered enough courage to visit me?” she asked in an unfathomable tone. Ashley suspected that it might have been hurt.

She silently cursed herself for barging in like this, thinking about only herself and not considering what Miranda has just been through and still recovering. Just like the first time they met on the Citadel.  
“Shit, no. No, no,” she shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. Oriana stood up with a frown on her face, walking up to the bed, ready to intervene. “It’s okay, no, really,” Ashley said, lifting a hand up to calm Oriana down.  
“I mean, I _wanted to_ , I really did. I just– probably shoulda waited,” she squeezed her eyes shut, clenching her teeth. “I’m sorry. I should go. Maybe later–”

“Wait,” Oriana said, looking meaningfully from Miranda to Ashley.  
Ashley stopped, still holding Miranda’s hand and looked at the younger sister nervously.  
“Thank you… Ashley. For saving Miranda,” the girl said solemnly.  
Ashley nodded, shrugging awkwardly.  
“Just, you know, doing my job.”  
Oriana smiled. “I know.” Ashley started to shift on her feet, eyes darting back and forth between the sisters. “Now. What did you want to tell my sister?” she continued after a short pause, a smile creeping into the corners of her mouth.

Miranda glared at Oriana in surprise before turning towards Ashley.

“I-uh… you know, I was drinking with Tali, you know. That’s why I’m here. I mean, she got a bit drunk, so I went to–” Ashley started, not sure whom to look at. She took a deep breath, finally settling on Miranda and looked into her tired, blue eyes. “I guess she wished she had the strength to stand up to the expectations and to her father’s legacy like you did. I mean, she said, uh–” damn, the worst time ever to be drunk, Ashley thought. She let out an exasperated sigh. “Tali respects you, too, Miranda. I mean, she got drunk because– And not just her. And, that's why, you know, don’t confuse pity with empathy. Yeah.”  
“She’s right, you know,” Oriana chimed in softly, looking at Miranda.

Before Miranda could reply, Ashley lifted her hand a bit and clutched it a bit tighter, trying to give more gravity to her words.  
“I mean, sure, you know, knowing about your dad and– and your sister. I mean, I have sisters, too, you know. And my dad– I mean, because of my grandfather–” Ashley shook her head again, trying to untangle her thoughts and her tongue. “I guess what I mean, is that I get it. And yes, it probably would have made me… care about you more than… But it’s a good thing. And like it or not, despite your father, you managed… all this,” Ashley waved around, including Oriana and the whole ship.

“You are pretty drunk,” Oriana said with a soft smile, before looking at Miranda again.  
“And she saved my life, too,” Ashley added eagerly, explaining it to Oriana now.

“I wish you would have come, Ashley,” Miranda spoke finally, glancing at her from the corner of her eyes before casting her eyes down.  
“I know. I’m sorry, Miranda.”  
Miranda shrugged. “It surprised me how… attached I got. I’m not good at attached.”  
“Me neither!” Ashley exclaimed, maybe a bit louder than she intended to. “I mean, I didn’t know what I wanted. It would have been so– I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want it to be just a fling.”

She squeezed Miranda’s hand gently, trying to keep her emotions in check. Miranda looked up at her nervously.  
“And now you know?”  
Ashley leaned closer to Miranda, their faces inches from each other and looked deep into her eyes.  
“No,” she laughed softly. “But I want to find out.”

Their lips met, softly at first, a sudden relief coming over Ashley as she exhaled, the sensation almost making her chest burst. Oh, how she needed this! She could tell Miranda felt the same way, too, as her lips responded, parting as they searched for each other in that kiss, tongues probing, pressing their mouth together, taking deep breaths.  
Ashley felt Miranda’s warm palm touch her cheek and she laughed into her mouth, feeling her eyes moisten. Maybe it was just the alcohol making her emotional, but it felt right anyway.

They surfaced for air after a long time, searching each other’s foggy eyes, both of them blinking rapidly, Ashley feeling her cheeks burn.  
“I’m not sure what this is. But I need to know,”she whispered.  
Miranda nodded, caressing her cheek gently.  
“You know that this will also end in a goodbye.”  
“For now.”

They kissed again, getting lost in each other’s taste and touch.  
“Uh, Randa…” Oriana said quietly, looking at them with an awkward expression on her face. She didn’t want to interrupt them, but she couldn’t help noticing several crewmembers, including the turian and the other marine staring in through the window, jaws dropped.


	9. Epilogue

A few days later the Normandy met up with Admiral Hackett’s fleet to go over the plans to attack the Cerberus Headquarters. This was where Miranda and Oriana were getting off. Miranda was in no shape to join the attack anyway, and Oriana, who was adamant to contribute to the war effort, convinced her sister to let her join the Crucible team. Miranda did not argue much once she realized that she can’t keep her tucked away again and expect her to be idle, and it wouldn’t be so much different from hiding her from their father. There was no way she was letting her out of her sight either. She also had to admit, that Oriana’s intelligence would be well utilized in such an important project, it would keep her happy and the always moving Crucible construction site was probably the safest place in the Galaxy at the moment.

Miranda already sent a message to Jacob and a few other old acquaintances, putting together her own little strike team with which she planned to hit Cerberus bases wherever they could find them. With her insider knowledge of Cerberus and the research during the last months to find Oriana, her information would also be invaluable to the Alliance to avoid attacks and better protect their routes and civilians. It might just buy her redemption with the Alliance brass, not to mention her freedom.

She also knew she will probably earn some sideways glances, but she couldn’t care less. With her peace offering and the “glowing reviews” from both human Spectres she would be set for as long as the war was going on.

With Ashley, though, it was a different issue. The marine was eager to go up against Cerberus on Shepard’s side, and Miranda couldn’t blame her. And after that?  
“I think I will join Hackett and coordinate with the turian and quarian fleet when the time comes, so Shepard can do… well, whatever he is doing.”

They were standing in the hangar bay, behind the shuttle that was being prepped for taking her and Oriana to Hackett’s flagship. Ashley’s hands were holding her by her waist, while her hands rested on Ashley’s shoulders. It was their last private moment before departure, although by now, everyone knew about what happened in the med bay. This kind of attention bothered Miranda more than the mistrust of the Alliance personnel, but she could live with it. Ashley didn’t mind the looks they got either.

“Then maybe we could meet again, soon,” Miranda said.  
Ashley nodded absently, pulling Miranda’s head to her chest.  
“I still think it’s crazy for you to go raiding Cerberus bases like a pirate.”  
Miranda chuckled softly, resting her cheek on Ashley’s shoulder.  
“I know someone who would enjoy the irony.”  
“Will you be all right?”  
Miranda leaned back to look into Ashley’s face and cupped her cheek.  
“I will be. Really,” she said softly.  
Ashley groaned, shaking her head with eyes closed. “I hate this. I don’t like goodbyes. What if–”  
“I know.”

There was a polite cough and a few seconds of pause before Oriana walked around the shuttle.  
“Randa? We’re ready to go.”  
“Thank you, Ori,” she said, planting a soft kiss on Ashley’s lips and quickly breaking away from the embrace before she got too emotional. They walked around to the door, Ashley following a few steps behind.

As the sisters climbed in, Ashley couldn’t stop herself.  
“Wait!” she called after Miranda, grabbing her elbow. The woman turned back towards her.  
“Yes?”  
“What if we don’t– what if we can’t meet again?”  
Miranda pressed her lips thin and nodded in understanding. She slowly pulled her arm away, touching Ashley’s cheek gently again for a quick second.  
“When this is all over–” she nodded around in a gesture that encompassed everything, “–find me,” Miranda said quietly and stepped back.

Ashley nodded solemnly, watching the shuttle’s door descend.  
“I will,” she said just before it closed.

Ashley could only hope that Miranda had heard her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there we go. After many-many months of idling, writer’s block and half-abandonment, it is finally finished. I wish to apologise to the OP for taking so long, but finally it’s completed.
> 
> The story bears a passing resemblance to my previous Ashley/Miranda story, “Played”, especially the last part, which is a variation and extension of the bonus scene from Played. I kind of worked my way back from that. There are other places where the story or motifs overlap, and some of it is intentional. I was experimenting with writing a variation on a theme that was more relevant to the games, while trying to remain as faithful to the original as it made sense.
> 
> Any comment or feedback is appreciated.


End file.
